


Caustic

by OneHitWondersAnonymous



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Origin Story, Dark, Disturbing Themes, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Dystopia, Minor Violence, Origin Story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-05-02 23:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5267354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneHitWondersAnonymous/pseuds/OneHitWondersAnonymous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Escaping from the underground fighting rings came as an unexpected surprise. Pearl could never have imagined what life outside of the grueling fights was like. Palladium City was a hub for entertainment and the upper class. Billboards and signs were bursting with light and sounds at every turn, and a constant hum of chatter never left the streets. At a glance, the spirit of the city was full of life and laughter. Pearl, however, quickly came to learn that the surface was not what she thought it could be.  Where Homeworld once sounded like a safe haven, Pearl found that the dark snuck its way into every corner. Even up close, everyone wore a mask. To say Pearl was uncomfortable was an understatement. </p>
<p>She was terrified.</p>
<p>But what could she ever do to quell the fear? What option did she have to fight the disturbing memories and the disconcerting present? What was there to do, when your gem kind was never allowed feelings or opinions in the public eye? In her struggle, Pearl finds friends among the broken, but friends don't always have your best interests at heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Opening

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back to my little story! If you are only just arriving, please take the time to read the first installment of my series, titled Pearl, in my works. This sequel will not make much sense without it! I have many exciting ideas in store for you, my readers, and I can't wait to share them with you. Enjoy!

Homeworld gems took aesthetic and status very seriously.

They did their hair and designed new fashions daily, and took great pride in being noticed. The center of attention was the Holy Grail.

They fought through delightfully scathing words and politely murderous smiles. Jealousy was a sly beast that slipped in and out of hearts and left them bitter, resentful and offended with each other. Society was cutthroat, and it was necessary to hate your neighbor.

The owners of each city made sure it stayed that way too, because by allowing them to fight it allowed them to ignore the prosperity being siphoned from them all. Leaders of factions and business owners found incredible wealth by selling products to gems that left them scrambling for more.

"The newest luxury everyone’s talking about!”

“Everyone will know you’re high class!”

“Make them jealous!”

They may as well have been encouraging murder.

While the gems on top counted their money in greedy peace, the gems on the streets fought mercilessly. It was a slaughterhouse for reputations.

So they polished their gems and showed off their prizes and craved that rush of power, but it all was empty. No one cared, or loved, or took the time to live. All that mattered was the show.

Pearls were the crowning achievements in Palladium city, considering they had the largest and most extensive pearl factories. Only the best of the best had pearls to hold their things, to dance, to look nice upon their arm. They didn’t have rights and they had no power, but they still thought and dreamed and suffered all the same. They were showpieces, meant to keep appearances for an easy ride to a higher class, and nothing more.

When all was said and done, the showpieces had quite the story to tell.


	2. Sing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life falls into place. Pearl learns, slowly but surely, the way Homeworld works, with Rose Quartz at her side. Everything is foreign, and everything is beautiful for just a moment. It feels right. For how long, Pearl couldn't be sure.

A soft melody played on her smile as Pearl lifted each small glass trinket from the cabinet and swept the dust from under them gently away. Rose had always insisted she not worry about the cleaning, but Pearl insisted. It was comforting for a reason she couldn’t quite place. She returned each piece to its place on the shelves and took care in making sure it was exactly as it had been before.

She closed the door and stood back to admire the way the many figurines sparkled under the lights built into the cabinet. They were in pristine condition. Rose had said she liked to keep them because she liked the idea of each being made individually, by an artist with loving hands. It didn’t hurt that the artists were often poorer gems as well, and Rose enjoyed paying them much more than they asked.

Pearl turned on her heels to return the duster to its place in the closet, but stopped short, looking up into the skylight in the ceiling that allowed natural light to fall on the wooden floors. She had struggled with the skylight before. It reminded her of the view from inside the rings, looking up into the light in a dome fit for killing.

She took a deep breath and stepped through the light in deliberate haste. There were days that the memory was so jarring that she would instead walk around the skylight and avoid the openness altogether. It was another thing she was working on.

After crossing the gap and putting the duster away with a soft sigh, she pressed her back into the wall. The front door was to her left, the rest of the flat to her right. She looked only briefly to the door to wonder when Rose would be home, then turned to return to the bookshelves across the hall.

With all wooden floors and many windows, the home felt very open and light during the day. At night, the city lights sparkled outside, everything from distant houses with curtains left drawn to glaring advertisements. It was midday now, and the sun was radiating heat through thick waves that pierced the glass. Palladium was in a heat wave.

Pearl crossed the skylight with relative ease the second time and paused in front of one of the windows looking out to the city skyline. She wrung her hands. The view was beautiful, as always, and she felt more tempted than before to leave the apartment and experience the city herself. However, the anxiety was still difficult to overcome to leave just yet.  _‘Soon,’_ Pearl thought. She would leave soon.

After all, she knew that she was a burden on Rose, even though she would never say such a thing to Pearl. Her heart was too kind. Pearl knew though, that her anxiety and flashbacks were tiresome to her. Maybe soon she would be able to face Homeworld without panicking and turning back home. Maybe then Rose Quartz would look at her with less pity, and she would feel less like a casualty.

Pearl sighed and played with the hem of her shirt. Perhaps she was stressing herself too much about getting better, and making it harder. Maybe jumping out despite her fears would be best. She was undecided.

She tore her gaze from the city to pick up the book she had been reading before the urge to dust had overcome her urge to read. She took a seat at one of the cushioned benches in front of the windows this time, because the city still had her hypnotized and she wasn’t sure why. For several hours she sat in silence and absorbed the story.

A gentle knocking startled Pearl and pulled her out of her book. The front door swung open and Rose Quartz leaned in, wringing water out of her curls and removing her shoes. Pearl glanced back outside; she hadn’t noticed, but it had started to rain, and daylight was almost gone.

“Welcome home, Rose Quartz,” Pearl said with a smile, pressing the book closed with her bookmark tucked in the page and standing to bow. Her heart fluttered with warmth.

“Oh, Pearl! Please, I appreciate it, but you really don’t need to do that.” Rose said with an uneasy but caring smile.

Pearl straightened with a blush on her face. She hadn’t thought anything of it. “I’m sorry,” she said, shifting her gaze to the floor and rubbing her arm nervously. It had been made clear before that it made Rose uncomfortable, and she felt guilty. 

“It’s alright. You can do what you want- I just don’t want you to think that I require you to do that. I don’t live by those archaic standards.” Rose huffed the last part, stepping inside with small water droplets still sprinkling the floor. She patted down her clothing, and then beamed up at Pearl with one of the smiles that always took her aback. “What have you been doing while I’ve been gone?”

“Well,” Pearl said, clearing her throat, “I’ve been reading, mostly. And, ah,” she hesitated.

“Do you need something?” Rose asked, now fetching a towel from the closet to help dry her hair.

“Well, no.” Pearl said. She shifted her weight between feet. “I’ve been wondering… I’ve been thinking about wanting to go outside now.”

Rose’s eyes lit up and she stepped quickly- but still gracefully- up to meet Pearl. Her demeanor dazed Pearl, as always. “Really? What do you want to do?” Rose smiled excitedly. “Oh, I could show you the markets, we could visit some of my friends, or just go to the park!” She clapped her hands together. “We can make this fun!”

Pearl bit her lip and shied away just slightly, but just enough for Rose to notice. She frowned. “I’m sorry, I think I got a little too carried away. What do  _you_ want to do?”

Pearl ran a hand through her hair and laughed quietly. “Well, the funny thing is that I don’t know what I want to do. I just think I want to try going out.”

“Hmm,” Rose contemplated, setting the damp towel down in a lazily folded bundle on one of the short tables nearby. “Why don’t we go to the ballet? It’s been a long time since I’ve taken time out of my schedule to see a production.”

Pearl looked to Rose questioningly. “Ballet?”

“Oh, it’s the most wonderful form of dance, Pearl.” Rose sighed. “I love dancing, but ballet is not something I can easily do, with my size.” She chuckled and patted her hip.

“I’m sure you’re lovely, Rose.” Pearl smiled as Rose thanked her for the compliment. She loved to hear her talk about things she was passionate about. “Yes, I think that sounds like a good idea. You’ll come with me?” Her breath nearly caught in her throat at her foolish bravery. It was bold of her to assume as much.

Rose didn’t seem to notice, or otherwise care. “Of course! I’ll get tickets, right away. A friend of mine is directing the production currently playing. I’d love to see her troupe.”

Pearl smiled back at Rose with newly fervent enthusiasm. If it was by a friend of Rose Quartz, it must be wonderful. “Alright.” She said quietly. If she had said she was excited, it would be only half true. Already panic struck her at the thought of going, but she had committed. There was no backing out now.  _‘Maybe this is the jump I needed,’_ Pearl thought. She tried not to let her doubts mar her face.

“Lovely,” Rose said, her hands clasping around Pearl’s to bring them in front of her. Pearl blushed at the contact. “We’ll go as soon as I can get ahold of Jade.” Pearl assumed this was the friend who directed the show.

Pearl nodded, and Rose swept herself away to the showers where she could properly rid herself of the rain. As the waters steamed Pearl watched it billow toward her and enjoyed the warmth that came with it. The ballet then, would be her first step. She decided she would find a few books on ballet to read.

 

* * *

 

Pearl had certainly found books to read, and she grew more and more excited for the show as the days passed. Rose Quartz had been struggling to find the time to go with work interfering so often, but she was determined to take Pearl for how much she had buried herself in the books. She studied the books with a fever for the art, doused in the many nuances of dance that made it intriguing. She couldn’t wait to see the styles and movements she had studied in action.

Jade had provided them wordlessly with the best seats in the house, which Rose had attempted to pay for but was refused. Rose had said Jade was a callous gem with a big heart, and Pearl had taken that to mean she was nice- when you got to know her. 

The idea of interacting with other gems in a way that was much closer to equality than she’d experienced before was terrifying, but in a good way. Pearl wondered what it would be like. They seemed friendly from afar. They had many smiles and kind gestures hard-coded into their conversations. Of course, all Pearl could do was watch them silently from several stories above.

“Pearl?” A voice startled her from her staring through the window. The city lights were beginning to turn on as daylight dimmed. “What do you think? Too much?”

Pearl gasped as Rose Quartz walked in from her dressing room. Gone was the military uniform that she’d become accustomed to seeing. Now, in the soft light, she stood tall with a dress scalloped with white silk. Layer upon layer of the fine cloth fell over one another with a body pronounced with yet more white layers beneath them. The dress trailed behind her, forming a rounded edge that brushed gently over the ground. It was strapless. A star accented her gem beautifully.

“Rose Quartz, you look wonderful!” She exclaimed, beaming at the sight. There was a slight sparkle to the white silk that brought it to life.

Rose blushed, twirling a bit to upset the layers and accentuate their beauty. “Oh, thank you, Pearl. You’re too kind.” She smiled warmly. “Would you like to change into something more fancy? It is entirely up to you, but I have some lovely pamphlets with fashions that would be appropriate for the auditorium.”

Pearl started. “Pamphlets?” She asked. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, I guess you may not know. Here, I’ll show you.” Rose plucked a thin tablet from her room and brought it quickly to Pearl, standing beside her to show her the technology. Pearl smiled when she noticed that Rose had still not put any shoes on. She hated shoes, and only wore them when absolutely necessary. The detail was pleasant.

 Suddenly the screen to the tablet flickered to life, glowing a bright green. Pearl blinked a few times to adjust her sight to the change. Rose pressed a few buttons too quickly for Pearl to follow before pausing on a page. “See, if you scroll through this, I’ve purchased it so that you can look at them and choose one to wear! No, place your finger on it- that’s it- if you swipe up and down, you’ll see lots of choices.”

Pearl looked away and at Rose in slight confusion. Rose ran a hand through her curls nervously. “It may be a bit much to take in. I’m sorry that I haven’t shown this to you sooner. Here, let’s pick one and I can help you with the rest.” Pearl nodded, and slid her finger up the page to view the outfits advertised.

They ranged from simple to outrageous, and there was hardly an in-between. Pearl scoffed at a dress that resembled a shabby curtain. Rose scrolled through them slowly while Pearl declined each one almost instantly.

“These are all ridiculous, are you sure we should keep trying? Will we be late?” Pearl said, exasperated after denying one that she swore was attempting to imitate a lamppost.   

Rose sighed, and Pearl instantly felt bad. “Well, there is one more set that you might like.” Rose pressed a few more buttons quickly and pulled up a new page, scrolling to the first option. “They’re more simple, so I think you may like one.”

Pearl watched, and stopped her at the first choice. It was a floor length gown that fell straight, with a slit that came to the thigh. “What do you think of this one? At least it doesn’t look like rags,” she muttered. Rose blushed and averted her gaze briefly.

Rose shook off her embarrassment and clapped her hands together excitedly. “Let’s try it then! All you have to do is press your hand to the picture and hold it there for a few seconds. The code should take care of the rest. Want to give it a shot?”

Pearl hesitated, but nodded slowly. She carefully pressed her palm into the cool tablet, which let out a trill of acceptance. She waited several seconds, but grew impatient. “Rose, what is supposed to-“ She gasped, her gem beginning to glow. Her form glowed white, as though it was destabilizing, and for a moment she remembered her gem chipped.

“Rose!” She yelped, gasping and shutting her eyes as emotions blazed through her memories.

The deep yellow eyes of Amber pierced her vision and the sound of her chuckle drowned out all other noise. “Good night!” She said, reaching forward with twin blades. Pearl held her arms up in front of her face, crying out as she recalled the pain that would hit her any moment.

“Pearl? Pearl, you’re alright.” Pearl gasped as she heard Rose’s voice. “You are at my house, you’re safe now.” Rose said, her voice like cool water over burns. Pearl sighed shakily and lowered her arms slightly. She opened her eyes, looking for Amber to be waiting with her swords drawn. The pain as the swords cut through her didn’t come. Amber was not in the room. Rose was still speaking softly. “You are here with me now Pearl. Everything is okay.”

Pearl looked to her left where Rose stood, speaking slowly and gently to coax her out of her visions. “Rose, I…” She was still shaking, and she gripped her arms in a futile attempt to stop it. She sniffed; she hadn’t noticed that she’d started crying. She looked down to see Rose’s hand outstretched, silently asking permission to touch. This was the start of their ritual. Pearl shifted her feet. Yes, she was at home, with Rose Quartz, safe.

She touched Rose’s hand when she felt comfortable, and she leaned forward to give her the warm hug that always quelled the last phantom fears. This was routine. Rose held her for a long moment while she caught her breath, and steadied herself.

Rose stepped back and looked into Pearl’s eyes with mounting excitement. “Well, it worked! Look at yourself, come to the mirror!”

Pearl looked down to see herself covered in a golden satin dress that sparkled in every light. She walked up to the mirror quickly, enamored with the dramatic change. She held out her arms, watching as the satin followed her movements gracefully. She touched the short sleeves that cupped her shoulders like ribbons, and traced the seams that carefully accented her body to promote the small curves that she did possess, however slight. The dress was slightly gathered to one hip, where a slit began startlingly high up on her leg. She touched her bare skin and looked to Rose with a blush that burned her cheeks.

“I-is this appropriate?” She asked, gesturing to her exposed leg. She had to admit that it did look nice, and that she did look good in the dress, but worried about its lack of modesty.

“It’ll be fine, Pearl. I’ve seen worse! Besides,” she smiled with an emotion that Pearl couldn’t quite place, “you look wonderful.” Pearl’s blush burned brighter and she looked away.

“Thank you.” She said quietly with a smile breaking through her nerves. “I’m sorry that I had another… moment.” She said. The smile fell.

“It’s alright.” Rose said with that look of pity that made Pearl’s stomach turn. She winced at the physical twang in her chest. “Shall we go? We’re running a bit late.” Rose held out her arm for Pearl to take.

Pearl took a stabilizing breath and took her arm, resolving not to make a mess of the situation, as she feared she might. “Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

When the two of them arrived at the auditorium theatre, it was nearly time for the show to begin. This didn’t stop Pearl from being completely surprised by the atmosphere around her. She had expected lavishness but could never have guessed this.

Gems chatted with one another in their outlandish, sparkling dresses, which glittered under chandeliers the size of Rose Quartz, if not bigger. The walls of the auditorium crawled to incredibly high ceilings, and every inch was either decorated with intricate woodwork or classical paintings. Everything looked expensive and unattainable.

Pearl watched her step over carefully inlaid glossy floors, enjoying the sound of heels clacking against it all around her. The finish on it made the sound so pleasing. Rose was rushing a bit but was attempting to let Pearl take in the sights before it was time to take their seats. The chandeliers dimmed once, twice, and Pearl was confused to find every gem taking that as a signal to sit. Rose explained that it was a common practice, and it intrigued her that so many gems knew what it meant, even if they’d never been to an auditorium before.

Rose led Pearl through one of the gaping thresholds that arched between the lobby and the theatre. Stepping into the massive ovular room gave Pearl a rush of excitement that she couldn’t help but gasp at. The stage was lit and a collection of gems sat together with varying objects that emitted different sounds. The collective sound was a little odd, and Pearl wondered if this was what music was supposed to sound like at a ballet. Rose and her were standing in what appeared to be a small box with fancy chairs and a beautiful adjacent view to the stage. Rose had noted what lovely seats these were with delight. It made Pearl happy to know that Rose was also enjoying the experience, and it wasn’t simply the shock of it all that gilded everything in her eyes.

The chandeliers and lights on the high walls dimmed in unison, and the crowd of gems in the auditorium hushed like a flame blown out. Rose gestured toward the chairs at Pearl, who realized it was time to sit for the show. She gathered some of her dress beneath her arm and sat to prevent it from stretching, laying it carefully over her legs and leaning back into the chair slowly. Rose had done the same.

A few moments passed of relative silence, before the lights of the stage lit up and left it glowing in pale yellow light. Rose leaned over carefully. “I hope you enjoy the show!” She whispered behind her hand, and turned back to the stage to join the audience in clapping for the gem which stood alone on the stage, bowing. She thought to ask Rose about it, but figured she would soon realize what their importance was.

Pearl relaxed into the cozy chair with her hands in her lap, and thought of how beautiful Rose Quartz looked with her silhouette outlined by the golden lights below.


	3. Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl's world is growing larger and more and more exciting, but with a larger scope comes a larger risk.

When the stage lights sparked to life, Pearl’s breath caught in her throat. The lights had dimmed even over the many gems with what she’d realized to be instruments. She had read of them in books before, but never seen one or visualized them. They were much larger and stranger than she had expected. The sound they made, however, brought tears to her eyes.

The first instrument made the first note; her heart swelled and bumps raised over her arms with exhilaration. One by one, the other instruments had joined in, making a mixture of sounds that when put together made music unlike anything she’d ever heard. Compared to the chaotic mixture of sounds as she walked into the auditorium, this sound was deliberate and calculated. When they played tones that vibrated perfectly in tandem, the world around her looked a little more beautiful.

A smile had crept to her lips, and she only noticed when her cheeks began to hurt from the stretch. She frowned then, however, when she realized that the stage was still empty. The lights were shining on nothing but a glossy wooden floor. Pearl had been so enamored by the musicians that she hadn’t realized that the dancers hadn’t come on stage.

She strained her vision to look in the corners of the stage for a sign of life, but found none. After a particularly large swell in the music, a sudden quiet came about the instruments and the stage lights had abruptly turned off. Before Pearl could ask if it was intentional, a single light had come on at the same time as a solo stringed instrument had begun to play. Under the light, there stood a single dancer.

Any remaining rumble in the crowd was instantly hushed as the theatre was doused in sparkles. The dancer wore a skirt that stuck out almost parallel with the floor, and the bodice had a full sheen of colorful glitter that bounced in all directions under the light. She began to move with a fluidity that made Pearl envious.

When the dancer turned to face the audience, her gem glinted beautifully under the light. It was on her forehead, and it looked a lot like-

Pearl quickly raised a hand to her gem and gasped quietly. The dancer was a pearl! Their gems were nearly identical. She slowly lowered her arm and rested her fingertips on her lips in a wondrous stupor. Pearl felt the first semblance of pride in her self.

The lights illuminated the rest of the stage and several dancers with the same sharp skirts surrounded the star. Pearl looked to each with growing excitement. From forehead to forehead her eyes leapt and her heart swelled, for every single one was a pearl, too. They lined up and their gems shone beautifully in a row as they dipped their heads to the crowd.

Her smile never left for the rest of the show. The dancers were beautiful, graceful, poised, and everything Pearl could ever hope to mimic. She wanted to dance too. She wanted to look as beautiful as them, glowing under spotlights and accompanied by masterful musicians. Pearl wanted to move an audience the way the troupe moved her, in waves of emotion that brought tears to her eyes.

When the final note was strummed and the final dramatic pose was struck, the audience roared into applause and fanfare. Pearl leapt from her seat without inhibitions, clapping excitedly and continuously as the dancers and musicians took their bows. Her hands grew numb but she refused to stop, especially as the director took to the stage. The cheering of the auditorium swelled to match her presence, and when she bowed low Pearl laughed with uncontrollable glee.

Pearl’s focus was finally cut after the dancers had left the stage and the auditorium lights had flickered back to life. Rose turned to her with a knowing smile. Pearl felt her cheeks heat up with a blush.

“How did you like it?” Rose asked, holding out an arm for Pearl to take. She took it quickly, and stepped to lessen the divide between them.

“I…” Pearl started, but hesitated to dive into the details. Perhaps it was too much to really describe her feelings in a public setting like this. She looked around briefly and saw fleeting glares, and bit her lip.

“Please, I would love to know!” Rose said in an attempt to encourage her. “You seemed to be really enjoying yourself. What did you like most?”

Pearl looked up at Rose, who was staring straight into her eyes with her trademark warmth that lit her heart on fire. The comfort of her gaze softened her unease.

“I, well,” she stumbled, before her thoughts poured from her lips unrestrained. “I loved the sounds. I had no idea that instruments were so beautiful! I had read about them sure, and heard of them, and heard them from far away, but it was an entirely different experience hearing them live. Oh, I loved the instruments so much. And the dancers! Rose, I-“ Pearl paused and looked back at Rose to confirm that she was not overstepping her boundaries before proceeding. She was still smiling.

“I couldn’t believe it. They’re pearls! I didn’t know that we… that they could do something so wonderful. They moved like dreams, Rose. Oh no, you saw it, obviously you know that.” Pearl shook her head to scold herself but stopped when Rose’s beautiful chuckle rumbled under the crowd’s buzzing. Pearl held her breath- despite how amazing the music had been, Rose’s voice still struck her soul.

“I’m so excited that you enjoyed the show.” Rose said, beaming. “I was worried the trip outside would be too much for you to enjoy yourself. We must compliment Jade profusely on her job well done then, to have distracted you so much that you forgot where you were.” She giggled again.

They stepped out from the private seating area and into the swarm of gems exiting the theatre. Pearl adjusted her dress fretfully. The gems near her and Rose were all whispering and staring. She hid behind Rose just enough to feel enveloped by her dress’s many folds.

“Don’t worry about it, Pearl,” Rose Quartz said as she carried Pearl away from the crowds on quick feet. Pearl could tell that the looks had bothered her, even if she tried to hide it. “There is nothing they can say that can hurt me, or you.”

Pearl wanted to protest, but thought against it as they swept out of view and down a cramped hallway. The hall was empty save for a few random stagehands. It seemed they were headed for backstage. Pearl swallowed a bubble of excitement in her throat.

At the end of the hall was a large door with a sign that read ‘Do Not Enter’, but Rose unabashedly took the handle and pushed through. A new hustle bombarded the senses and Pearl blinked to adjust to the darker lighting. Nearly every gem was dressed in black, to camouflage themselves as stagehands during the show. Many voices were shouting over one another, but they seemed to stop abruptly as one by one they realized that a new, large presence had entered the back room.

An angry looking gem with fuchsia skin pushed her way in front of Rose Quartz. “Excuse me ma’am, but have you been granted access to-”

“Oh stop Rubellite, please.” A deep, sultry voice spoke from behind her. The pink gem stood straight and bit her cheek, turning around to face her boss.

“My apologies Miss Jade, I had thought-“ The gem called Jade waved a hand dismissively.

“Go, go. I don’t care.” Rubellite scurried away. From the shadows stepped a gem with piercing green eyes that stared straight into Pearl’s. Pearl shifted between her feet. Jade had on a simple dress that glowed, as opposed to sparkling like the dancers had. She had a wicked smirk that Pearl had to shake her head to dissociate from her old Mistress, and recent visions.

“Rose Quartz, it’s a pleasure to see you again.” Jade addressed Rose but never took her stare off Pearl, who could no longer hold eye contact. She shied away into Rose’s dress, looking anywhere but Jade’s judgmental eyes. “I see you’ve brought an interesting cohort.”

Rose chuckled and placed a large hand on Jade’s shoulder. Her hand swallowed it whole in stark contrast. “Jade! Thank you for the tickets. Your show was spectacular! Wasn’t it, Pearl?” Rose turned her attention down to Pearl, who was still attempting to disappear in her skirt.

“A-ah,” Pearl stuttered, “yes, it was amazing. Thank you, Miss Jade.” Pearl bowed low, but stiffened when Jade let out a bark of laughter that Pearl could not read.

“You have her trained like a pet, Rose. I would never have expected you of all people to own a pearl.” Pearl stood up straight and scowled internally. Jade crossed her arms and widened her sly smile. “You know the press will be crawling all over this tomorrow, don’t you?”

Rose looked momentarily uncomfortable, but swiftly recovered. “Oh Jade, you know I don’t care about any of that. Besides, Pearl doesn’t belong to me. I took her in, voluntarily.” Pearl nodded slightly.

Jade raised an eyebrow. “You know no one will believe that, right? Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter, if you don’t care. Maybe you should care, though. Your public appearance is important as a commander.”

Rose shook her head. “I’ll deal with it later. I just wanted to come compliment you on the production before we left.” She looked tired from talking to Jade. Pearl couldn’t blame her; Jade came off almost too strongly.

“Fine, fine.” Jade said, waving her hand like she had before. She paused a moment before pointing an accusing finger at Pearl’s face. Pearl backed up a few inches. “You, though. Can you dance?”

Pearl stammered. “Well, no, I-I’ve never tried.” She admitted, hanging her head. “The pearls look so beautiful on stage, though.” She said quietly, half hoping that Jade wouldn’t hear.

“I’ve got a girl about to get shipped off, if you know what I mean.” Pearl didn’t. “I’m looking for a replacement. All the other pearls I’ve seen are garbage, mechanical with their ‘installed’ dancing. You have none of that manufactured junk that takes away the spirit of dance. I’d like to have you train with me.”

Pearl was taken aback. It was so sudden. The director of the ballet was inviting her to private dancing lessons? It seemed too good to be true. She looked up to Rose for guidance.

Rose met her gaze, and Pearl realized she was hoping that Pearl would speak for herself. Pearl took too long to form a response, though, and Rose spoke on her behalf. “I think that is a wonderful idea! It gets her out of the house, and she can learn a new skill. What do you think, Pearl?”

Pearl gulped nervously. The room was beginning to spin and her heart was beginning to pound. “It sounds… It sounds wonderful.” She said, excitement leaking into her tone. Next to the excitement, however, lurked anxiety. Everything was moving too much, and too many watchful eyes were boring into her.

“Great.” Jade said, although she hardly sounded enthused. “We meet every other night at seven.” She took a step to turn on her heel, but paused first. “You’re very beautiful for a pearl.” Pearl felt a blush burn all the way down her neck. She stuttered out a small thank you before Jade gave a tiny nod, and then twisted to stalk away in high steps. Pearl let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.

“We can think about it more at home, Pearl.” Rose said, snapping her out of her thoughts and back to the clambering of backstage. Eyes glared. “Should we get going?” She gestured toward the door labeled ‘Exit’ to the right.

“Yes, please.” Pearl said a little too eagerly. As amazing as the night had been, it was becoming a bit too much for her to handle. Her breathing was beginning to quicken and sweat was forming in apprehension. She feared another episode would happen if she didn’t return home, and quickly. She took Rose’s arm and sped forward.

Rose pushed the door to open it and Pearl felt the relief of cool outside air rush onto her face. Before they left, before they could escape the hot and uncomfortable room, a whisper seared through Pearl.

_“Hypocrite.”_

Rose flinched slightly, paused, then shoved the door open and pulled Pearl outside, without looking back into the hate-filled eyes that had spat in her name. Pearl’s heart ached with a guilt she could never fix. She was beginning to regret coming at all.

 

* * *

 

It didn’t even take until the next morning for the tabloids to be screaming about Rose Quartz and her mysterious acquiring of a pearl. Rose had picked up her tablet for just a moment, and it activated with a huge headline that scrolled above the projected clothing pamphlet left open earlier. Pearl’s heart sank as the words that popped up poked holes in Rose’s façade. Her face slowly fell to a frown. Her gaze dropped to the floor and she worried her lip, but as soon as she realized that Pearl had been looking, she turned her face and shut the tablet down quickly.

“Rose, I…” Pearl began, but she realized she didn’t know what to say. A long moment passed. “I’m sorry.”

“Pearl, please,” Rose said, voice tired with her gaze still averted, “it’s alright. Don’t worry about it.”

“How should I do that?” Pearl glared at the tablet, the source of Rose’s pain. She wanted to smash it. “It’s  _my_ fault that bad news is spreading about you. I shouldn’t have been so ignorant. I could have prevented this, and never left, kept to myself and-“

“Pearl!” Rose cried. Pearl recoiled sharply. Rose had never raised her voice before. “Please, Pearl, let it rest. It isn’t your fault.” Her voice softened. “I’m sorry for my tone.” Pearl relaxed a bit, knowing that she hadn’t meant to lash out. It was a sensitive moment.

“If we just  _tell_ them the truth of it, maybe it will stop.” Pearl muttered.

“No, that can’t be done either.” Rose said, a contemplative hand held to her lips. “If I told them the truth, then it would expose the Underground to the public unaware. It could cause a serious uprising. It is too sensitive of information to tell them the story.”

“Okay,” Pearl sighed, though she wasn’t truly okay with it. It hurt her to know that gems were saying bad things about her rescuer. They didn’t understand what had happened, they didn’t know that Rose would never go back on her word, but Jade had been right. Pearl knew it, and Rose knew it too. There was no fixing this.

They took every precaution to stop the gossip, however. When Pearl’s first dancing lesson came, Rose had insisted that Pearl go, even though she didn’t want to risk leaving anymore. They compromised, and Pearl wore a plain scarf over her forehead that covered her gem and a long coat. It was an incredibly rare sight for a pearl to be walking unaccompanied through the city as is, but with the gem covered she could be any other citizen passing through. She was disguised enough to be unrecognizable from the hastily snapped pictures circulating the news.

Jade had instructed Pearl to show up to an address that Pearl quickly discovered to be run down and shabby. The city neglected this corner, as the streets were dirtier and the buildings were falling apart. Pearl walked up a narrow flight of stairs with stained walls into a surprisingly fully furnished dance studio. Jade explained that she hadn’t wanted to bring attention to Pearl, or tarnish her reputation. She had a beautiful studio downtown, right across from the auditorium, but they would be noticed there. She took no chances, and Pearl begrudgingly agreed that it was for the best, even though the area made her nervous.

Jade took no shortcuts, either, and quickly made Pearl’s body sore in ways not even fighting had caused. Her feet took the worst beating, needing to be bound with bandages as new callouses developed. They still bled, but neither gem acknowledged it; Jade had little time and Pearl had much to learn.

Every lesson felt worse than the last, and Pearl fought the discouragement that she was not doing well enough. It seemed Jade was harder on her as she progressed. Pearl spoke with Rose about it, but Rose had insisted that it was simply a part of Jade’s personality, and that she was sure Pearl was doing fine. It still stung each time she was brutally critiqued. Pearl wondered why Jade still bothered.

Nighttime had fallen and it was another practice day. Pearl’s feet were still aching from the previous lesson, and she groaned in anticipation of the sores that would surely worsen. They stung as she stepped carefully down the street, scarf held tightly around her head in a slight wind. The streets slowly disintegrated into the sullied neighborhood of Jade’s studio. No one was walking by her anymore.

The lack of strangers only helped Pearl to notice that something had not been right this time. The wind blew and made Pearl shiver. She looked behind her, and blanched at the sight of two hooded figures flanking her by several yards behind. She increased her pace. The studio wasn’t far.

Pearl’s breathing quickened as fear began to creep into her heart. She chanced another look back, and noticed that the figures were still following her. They had matched her speed. She looked to her left and her right and it took until she saw similar figures closing in on either side before she began to run.

“Leave me alone!” She cried out desperately, looking back at the figures that had started running to catch her. She ran full force into a barricade of two figures without looking, and her breath caught in her throat. Pearl turned to run but realized she was surrounded. She couldn’t get away.

One of the captors grabbed her around the neck with a thin arm, restricting her breathing only slightly but effectively holding her in place. “Don’t scream.” The gem said, her voice aggressive but quiet. “Give us your money and you’ll walk away unscathed.”

“I don’t have any money!” Pearl yelled, and gasped when the distinct sound of metal scraping metal came from behind her and a small knife was jabbed to her throat.

“Find her gem.” The voice ordered, and the others surrounded her, their masked faces ominous in the dim streetlights.

Pearl began to panic, and remember. The small throwing knives, glinting in the light, gliding through the air, into Iolite’s-

Pearl bellowed with remembered rage and wrenched herself free from the other gem’s arm, catching them off guard. She ripped her scarf from her forehead and summoned the hilt of her spear before the other gems could react. She pulled it from her gem so quickly that she sliced her face with its edge.

“Don’t try me!” She yelled, lowering herself into a defensive stance with her vision darting between all the figures in front of her. There were five in all. Her arms were trembling from the rush of energy.

One of the gems lunged forward, but before Pearl could slash at them, the supposed leader of the gang called “Stop!” The gem froze immediately, and looked back for a command.

“I deeply apologize. I had no idea that you were a pearl.” The leader said, voice deep and calm.

Pearl hesitated. “What are you talking about?” She asked, unable to come up with her own answer.

The leader motioned for her comrades to step forward, and removed her mask in time with the others. Pearl gasped. On each of their foreheads sat a smooth, rounded gem that imitated her own.

The leader smiled. “I am called Mother, and we are kin.”


	4. Find

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl has just been apprehended by a band of pearls. Trapped, she must follow them if she wants to find an escape. Even though she knows it should be, Pearl realizes escaping is not her first priority. She soon regrets that choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an official advisory that the story, starting within this chapter, will contain depictions of drug abuse.

Pearl stood frozen in place, spear still drawn and ready to strike. She stared down each of the faces that had grown apprehensive at the sight of her weapon. They knew their small knives could never hold up to a gem-generated weapon. They all barely chanced a look at Pearl before returning their questioning gaze to their leader.

“What?” Pearl finally asked, breaking the silence.

The pearl called Mother laughed heartily, spreading her arms out wide in a welcoming gesture as though greeting an old friend. Pearl flinched and stepped back. “We’re kin! We’re pearls, see?” She pointed to her own gem as though speaking to an idiot, and Pearl’s temper flared.

Mother’s smile was sickeningly wide, fake but somehow holding an odd sincerity in the eyes. “I would never want to hurt you, love. You’re one of us. Now, why don’t you put that lovely thing away?” She asked, gesturing toward Pearl’s spear. She tightened her grip on it just slightly at the mention.

“How do I know you don’t have other intentions?” Pearl asked, eyes narrowed.

“Clever,” Mother said, a lilt forever etched in her voice, “I’m sure you would be a great addition to my family.”

Pearl shook her head to clear her thoughts. “I don’t know what you mean. You aren’t making sense.” She relaxed a bit as none of the gems tried advancing on her position.

“Why don’t I show you, love?” Mother said, her grin turning devilish. Pearl hesitated for a long moment, and Mother sensed it. “No weapons.” She called. “Right ladies?”

The other pearls quickly sheathed their knives and gathered together, still huddled in response to the very threatening gem still pointing a deadly sharp weapon at them. Pearl felt a small trickle of satisfaction in her heart at the thought of her intimidating posture. The larger part of her, however, was saddened that she was so hardened by battle that she could no longer appear inviting.

At any rate, Pearl realized that keeping her spear summoned would only do more harm than good. She figured there wasn’t much of a choice in if she was going to follow them or not. She let go of the spear in the same moment that she let it blink out of existence like a light. Small sparks lit up from the space it had occupied, and then dissipated.

“Thank you.” Mother said. She seemed pleased with herself. “Would you like to see my home?”

Pearl nodded slowly, slightly, as though still mulling the idea over in her head. Mother didn’t seem to notice her nerves, and stepped gracefully up to Pearl in a few quick, wide strides. She startled Pearl by placing a hand at her back to guide her forward, pushing gently to force her to move. Pearl was flustered, but obliged. Mother seemed a very personal gem. Like Rose Quartz, but without the comfort.

“Ah!” Mother exclaimed, making Pearl jump. “Wire, would you be so kind as to find her head scarf? I’m afraid her gem could be seen.” When the tallest of the pearls ducked away to fetch her scarf from the ground, Mother turned to face Pearl directly. “You could be in danger, exposed.” She said as she lifted her hood. The other pearls copied her movement.

The tall gem Mother had called Wire avoided eye contact when she wordlessly held out Pearl’s scarf with a trembling hand. Pearl took the scarf and tied it around her forehead, as it had been before the scuffle. As she tied it, she felt that the hem had pulled and torn away. Mother led the way down the street and her lackeys followed in a formation that surrounded them both.

Pearl knitted her eyebrows in deep confusion. The fact that Mother and the tall pearl had considered her scarf and helped her retrieve it pointed to the idea that Mother truly did mean no harm. In fact, it was a rather protective measure. Pearl didn’t know what to make of it.

They walked for several minutes in silence while Pearl muddied her head with frantic thoughts, but she resigned to the fact that she simply didn’t understand what was happening. She would have to play along until she had a chance to escape. “Ah! Here we are love.” Mother exclaimed, pointing toward a deep crack in a wall hidden in an alleyway. A passerby could easily miss it entirely.

The pearls that had protected them filed into the crack. They twisted and turned their bodies in numbed muscle-memory, moving quickly through the dark. Pearl felt incredulous. The crack hardly seemed large enough to house all of them, but somehow they didn’t come back out. It gave her an unsettling vibe.

“Are you ready? Come on, I’ll lead you.” Mother said, light in her eyes while she held out a hand.

Pearl froze. This was her best chance to run away. With the rest of the pearls out of the area and just Mother in front of her, it would be easy to dash away and back home. Every alarm was sounding in Pearl’s mind. This was dangerous. This was wrong. Even still, the idea of getting to know fellow pearls gnawed at her stomach and left her craving the attention.

She took the hand anyway.

Once again, Mother’s grin turned from a gentle smile into a scheming smirk, and Pearl almost regretted taking her hand. Her heart pounded in her chest so quickly that she was certain Mother could hear each beat. _‘This is dangerous’_ , it whispered. _‘This is wrong.’_ She shivered.

Mother pulled Pearl forward, and she copied Mother’s movements to inch through the crack. It was dirty and damp in the crack, and smelled like mold. A small slit of light appeared ahead. _‘That must be it,’_ Pearl thought. After a few more seconds of uncomfortable shuffling over wet rock, Mother broke free into the room, and Pearl followed behind. The sight was like nothing Pearl had ever seen.

The light that had filtered in from the crack had been illusion, because the room itself was actually quite dim. Lights made with an old technology buzzed overhead, and one of them flickered on and off. A long bar spotted with tall stools stood empty and dusty, save for the few gems who were using the stools to chat. Most of the gems in the room were scattered along the cracking walls. They sat in old chairs with exposed springs and pillows with various stains on them.

The smell of the room had changed from the moldy scent in the crack to a musty haze of dust. The air tickled Pearl’s nose slightly, as though it burned. There was a trace of acid and a thin layer of smoke along the ceiling.

“Welcome.” Mother said, snapping Pearl from her thoughts with a jolt. She looked at Mother and saw pride in her eyes, which confused Pearl even more. This didn’t seem like the place one would be proud to own. She couldn’t really know, however, since she’d only seen the cell that she’d lived in under Hematite’s ownership, and Rose’s lavish penthouse.

She gripped a railing but pulled her hand back quickly. She felt many years of dust between her fingers.

“What do you think?” Mother asked, leaning in expectantly. Pearl felt uncomfortable as she struggled to find something nice to say. She didn’t want to be rude. Her heart reminded her that she had to step carefully, or else. Or else what, she didn’t know.

“It’s… nice, thank you for showing me.” She mumbled, fretfully pulling at her fingers. Mother seemed pleased at her response and she sighed internally in relief. Pearl continued to scan the room, noting that all the gems here seemed to also be pearls. When she asked about it, Mother had shot her a knowing smile.

“This is my home, dear. It is home to many others as well. Pearls, you must know, we don’t have a home to call our own most of the time. This is a place that we can rest, and forget.” She spread her fingers and gestured to every clump of quietly chattering pearls within the room. Pearl suddenly felt very vulnerable and small.

“Well, sit down! Please make yourself comfortable, love. You are my most treasured guest!” Mother sat in a nearby armchair, and patted at a piano bench that was standing crooked next to it, a few strides forward. Pearl stepped carefully to the seat as though avoiding the grime on the floor that was truly unavoidable. She tried to sit comfortably. She was unsuccessful.

Mother had turned away and started talking quietly to a pearl that was seated out of Pearl’s view, leaving Pearl to scan the room on her own. She took another look at the faces of the pearls. They all looked peculiar. Something looked wrong about them. Their expressions were hard to read, manic and depressive at the same time. She decided they all looked sad.

Two pearls in the corner of her eye caught her attention. They were laughing lazily, lying back in cushions with unfocused eyes. “Gimme that,” the one on the right said, swatting at something that was sitting on the bar behind her. The other pearl laughed at her and reached up for what appeared to be an unlabeled bottle, nearly spilling it as she pulled it down with the weight of her arms.

“Do you want me to-“

“Nah, nah, let me,” the pearl said to her friend, her smile fading into an expression of confusion and growing pain. It was disturbing to watch, and yet Pearl could not look away. She wanted to know what was in the bottle. Was it a perfume? Rose had many scents in similar looking bottles, but Pearl liked her best without any, with the naturally fresh scent of greenery and sunlight.

She shook her head. She was wandering from focus. The pearl had snagged the bottle from her friend and held it up to her face. Pearl tilted her head as she tried to comprehend. The pearl pulled a stopper from the bottle, and attached to it was a small dropper. A clear liquid dripped from it.

The pearl shuddered with a sick delight that was still far from Pearl’s understanding. Why would she be so excited? Questions reeled in her mind. Then, Pearl watched the gem lift the dropper to her forehead, place it just above her gem, and gently squeeze the bottle top.

Pearl gasped in time with the pearl. Her form quivered and flashed white, shuddering and falling apart at her limbs while sparking at her forehead. A small trail of smoke rose from her gem to match the thin layer overtop the entire room, and Pearl’s stomach lurched at the realization. They were all-

“Shit, ‘Lac, you’re gonna spill it,” the other pearl muttered, grabbing the bottle from the pearl phasing in and out of corporeality. Pearl couldn’t stop staring.

When her form began to rematerialize, the pearl had a twisted smile on her face. Tear tracks traced her cheeks, and mixed with them was some of the liquid that had spilled over her gem. They left burns down her face and on her chin. Her skin appeared to crack around her pearl with white light, but they faded in and out, as though not real.

“Okay okay, me,” The other pearl said, and raised the bottle to do the same thing. No inhibitions, no fear or internal struggle. Pearl realized she was shaking and slowly inching back on the piano bench, farther and farther away.

“Something wrong, love?” Mother cut in, eliciting a strong gasp from Pearl. She clutched her fingers and pulled at them roughly. She felt herself beginning to panic.

“I-I’m sorry, I need to go-“ She stood and turned to crawl out the crack and run as fast as she could home, to escape this madness, but Mother clutched her arm tightly. She dug her nails into Pearl’s skin and held on a touch too roughly. Pearl was trapped by her grip.

“You see, we’ve all got a story.” She said, sighing quietly. Mother was ignoring Pearl’s shakes and tugs at her arm, begging to be released. “I’m here to let them let go of those stories. That’s my life’s duty.” She looked out into the room and silently asked Pearl to copy. Pearl looked everywhere but the corner where a pearl was still glitching, still smiling.

“I bring them the stuff, and they come to forget. It’s my job. It’s not easy, no,” Mother paused, “but it is necessary. Just look at them,” she pulled Pearl closer to her, yanking her forward and down to personally point to each of the faces in the room. Pearl’s eyes watered at the sight. She hated knowing why their faces were all so sad.

“They _need_ help. I give them help, with the acid.” On cue, a pearl in another corner flickered in and out, shuddering in pleasure.

“You- I-“ Pearl stuttered, yanking at her arm again even though it was futile. Mother’s nails split her skin. “This is wrong.” She managed. Mother laughed at her, but gave her no direct answer. Instead, she shook her head and looked away from Pearl’s crying eyes.

“It’s a damn shame, love.” Mother whispered. “We’re such a beautiful kind. It’s a shame we are abused so much, and so easily.” She went silent, and Pearl begged her eyes to stop wandering the room and stop witnessing the horror that Mother was allowing to ensue. She was giving them a drug. They were abusing it. She had roped each and every one into a sick addiction.

Pearl tried not to notice how thin the others looked, how their skin had small hairline fractures in the form of white scars that fanned over their shoulders and arms like nerves. She tried not to watch them indulge. She tried to pretend she hadn’t seen.

“I-I have a lesson.” Pearl stuttered, taking steps backwards and pulling desperately at her arm. She wanted no more of this. At her movement, Mother’s gaze hardened into a stare that cut her soul.

“You cannot tell anyone about this.” She said, her voice ominous. “You know as well as I do that they will all be crushed if anyone catches wind. You don’t want to kill them, do you?” Mother tilted her head, and Pearl gasped. She was manipulating her with an idle threat. Pearl knew it to be true, too. What would Rose Quartz think? This was the sort of thing that her job handled. Would Rose crush these pearls without a second thought? Pearl felt her world begin to come crashing down around her.

Pearl whispered before she thought. “No, I won’t tell.” Her heart felt heavy with the knowledge she would have to carry alone. “I’m done killing.”

Mother let her go and she jerked forward from the momentum her pulling had caused. “Good.” She pointed a finger, nail coated in Pearl’s pale blue blood, toward the crack in the wall.

“You know where to find me.”

Pearl took one last look at the room, and ran. She scrambled over the crack in the wall, cutting her knees and arms in her haste. Tears streamed down her face and she held back cries.

She couldn’t go to her lesson now. There was too much on her mind, and she was too shaken up. Judging by the lights, it was already too late anyway. Instead, she ran straight for home, to Rose Quartz. Her mind became a blur that she shut away while she focused on returning to her greatest solace.

When she reached home, she collapsed to the floor in a mess, barely past the doorway. Her breaths were filled with hiccups and gasps. Rose Quartz was home, which filled her with a relief that only served to, strangely, make her cry harder. Rose had rushed to her side and placed a comforting hand on her back, leading her into the apartment.

They sat together on the couch that stood between two bookcases, where Pearl most liked to read her books. The window was open, and the air was salty and filled with noise. Rose didn’t ask her what was wrong for a long time. Pearl was grateful for that.

“Pearl.” She finally murmured when Pearl’s sobbing had quieted to the occasional sniffle. “What happened? Was it Jade, was she too harsh?”

Pearl shook her head. “I was going to the studio, a-and I got surrounded. These gems, they surrounded me and they tried to steal from me and attack me.” She described. Rose looked shocked, but let her continue. “When I said I didn’t have anything for them to steal, they tried to hurt me, so I summoned my spear. They backed away, and-“

_‘They showed me a secret hideaway where they all abused drugs and disobeyed their masters.’_

Pearl froze. She couldn’t. It would be her fault. She couldn’t say.

“And they let me go.” She finished quietly, pulling a blanket that Rose had brought her tighter around her shoulders. “I wasn’t able to go to my lesson.” She told Rose, nervous for reasons that her savior could never know. “Do you think Jade will still teach me now?”

Rose laughed and Pearl took comfort in how it sounded like the ringing of bells in her ears. She closed her eyes and relaxed almost instantly. “I’m sure she’ll still be willing to teach you, Pearl. This was outside of your control. And you’re hurt!” Pearl opened her eyes at Rose’s apparent surprise, and blushed when Rose summoned tears to shed over her weeping cuts. They were from a fight, not from a crack in the wall. She was upset from an attempted mugging, not from a sight she never thought she’d see. Pearl tried, but couldn’t convince herself of the lie. Her stomach twisted in pain at her deceit.

The tears worked their magic and healed over her injuries until her skin felt brand new. She still felt dirty though, which Rose said she could understand even if she truly couldn’t. She let Pearl use the baths. Even though her dirt was not on the surface, Pearl tried to wash away the discomfort that ached in her bones. The water smelled sweet.

Pearl wrapped her arms tightly around herself, and she wondered what she would do when tomorrow came. She spent the night struggling more than usual to fight the memories of the rings that haunted her. She was at a loss, one that she could not regain.


	5. Pretend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl has discovered a dark secret about the pearls of Homeworld that she cannot ignore. Her thoughts are descending into chaos as she struggles with the choice to keep it a secret and continuously lie to Rose Quartz, and the horrors that the pearl called Mother endorses. She knows it's wrong, but she can't put a finger on why she still can't let it go. The mystery is sickeningly intriguing, and Pearl can't help but wonder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the long wait! A few personal issues came up along with the holidays so this chapter took longer to write. Thanks for your patience, please enjoy!

The memories of the nightmare hidden in the crack in the wall ate at Pearl’s mind like a cancer, the more time passed. Rose had not asked her about anything since the night she had come home in shambles, and Pearl was half grateful for that. On the other hand, she felt a desperation tearing at her heart that begged Rose Quartz to ask how she was doing, to justify exploding. She was bursting with anxiety and turmoil.

She spent the nights staring at the city lights below. She didn’t want to compare them to the familiar glow of destabilized bodies, but her thoughts played tricks on her and injured her. If it wasn’t the lights, it was the smell of acid and smoke, or the cracks in their skin. No, she couldn’t afford to think of it. She was barely making it through the memories from the rings. Coping was becoming impossible.

Pearl didn’t think that Rose had thought anything suspicious of her recent decline in mental health. After all, she had been mugged and attacked, and that could harm anyone, let alone someone recovering from an abusive past. Pearl told herself this over and over again, that she could hide her suffering with justifications, and tried to bite it down. She tried to forget.

When she had returned to Jade’s studio the next class period, Jade had been surprisingly unaffected by her absence. She had asked her how she was doing, and after a curt reply of ‘well, thanks,’ they got on with their lesson. Pearl couldn’t tell if she was happy about it, or annoyed that Rose had obviously contacted Jade and told her what had happened in her stead. Sometimes, she felt as though Rose babied her. Sometimes, Rose was protective in moments where Pearl could stand on her own if given the chance. Sometimes, Pearl wanted a chance to prove that she was a capable gem too. Every time, though, Pearl rethought, and considered the fact that maybe she wasn’t capable. It was in a pearl’s nature, after all, not to be autonomous.

“I hope you have a good lesson! Jade says you’re improving every day, I can’t wait to see you perform someday.” Rose Quartz called after her with a large smile. Pearl looked back, hand on the doorknob and smiled back. It was a late afternoon like any other, except for Rose’s presence at the home. She was often away at work when Pearl had to leave.

“Thank you, Rose.” Pearl said, and she tugged on her headscarf and stepped out. She winced slightly as she twisted her ankle to close the door behind her. Her legs were sore as she worked and strengthened their muscles with practice. Her feet had a constant dull ache to them too. It was worth it, though, to be learning something new. Dancing was becoming a nice outlet for her, and she was beginning to think she might be good at it. At least, Jade had started to throw out fewer criticisms. She smiled sourly.

The woman meant well, that much Pearl could tell, but she had little tact. Jade wasn’t a great motivator, but an excellent instructor. She was proud of her work and with good reason. Her troupe was the most widely revered of all the productions at the theatre. Pearl had a great admiration for her dancers and for her own skill. As a gem typically built for diplomatic relations, Jade had found a great talent for grace and beauty usually reserved for the pearls and daintier gems. It impressed nearly everyone who met her.

Pearl paused as she waited to cross a street with a disinterested stare. She had managed to get halfway to her destination while lost in her thoughts. She would be crossing the invisible barrier soon between the boisterous, lively city and the dingy, rusted over slums. She hated walking through this subset. It only reminded her of the darkest corners of her life thus far.

She kept her head down and walked straight ahead. She had managed to make it to her practices without incident for the past week or so, and she didn’t want that streak to end. As was customary, though, Pearl rarely got what she wanted.

A gem cleared her throat from the stoop of a nearby apartment. Pearl whipped her head up to meet the eyes of the one she least wanted to see. Mother was leaning against a brick wall, her gem cleverly disguised under a hood. Pearl narrowed her eyes, and kept walking.

Mother didn’t seem to acknowledge her discomfort, and hopped from the steps down to the sidewalk. She was walking beside her and matching her speed as she increased her pace. “How you doing?” She asked, her tone lighthearted. It made Pearl’s stomach twist. “Been a while, yeah love?”

Pearl grimaced, and resolved not to answer. She continued to make wide strides toward her destination, determined to ignore her and get to her lesson. She did not want to disappoint Jade again. She did not want to think of the unspeakable acts going on under Mother’s encouraging gaze. For just a moment, Pearl slipped up, and saw the glimmering of the pearl’s form as it broke and mended itself haphazardly. She bit her lip; the memory was just as vivid as it was the moment she witnessed it.

Mother had continued to follow her silently. Pearl looked straight ahead, intent on ignoring Mother’s hungry stare with that schmoozing smile. The studio was coming up soon. She could make it if she kept her stride. _‘Just ignore her.’_ Pearl rounded the corner to the small side street that the studio was on. It was deserted.

“It looked like you knew how to wield that weapon.”

Pearl froze. Her eyes widened. Images flashed across her vision; the faces of each gem she had faced in the rings. She found herself caught in the exact moment that each of them had charged her with her spear at the ready, with her resolve hardened to sink her blade into flesh-

“Stop it.” Pearl muttered. She curled her hands into tight fists that trembled slightly with pressure. She didn’t want to relive this. Not now, not in public where she had nowhere to hide.

“That means you had a reason to use it once.”

Mother had gone ahead and continued speaking, despite Pearl’s angered response. Again, the moments flew through her heart at the speed of its quickened beating. The colors of their blood, forming rivulets on her spear’s blade and handle, splattering her skin and mixing with her own, a flash of purple-

“How many gems did you shatter?”

Pearl felt blinded and struck with the rage and pain that stabbed her chest. She remembered short curls, small fingers, lavender skin, and eyes that stared with a fire that never burned out, except for the one time that it did. As though she was there, she felt her spear crunch through a purple gem on a small, stubby hand. A hand she only held once. The one she wished she could hold again, so desperately.

Without thinking twice she summoned her weapon and shoved it forward with a small cry of emotional pain, the blade of it just barely pressing into the skin of Mother’s neck. Pearl’s hands shook, her heart ached, and her breaths came ragged despite never running or fighting. A single bead of light blue blood spilled from the spear’s tip. Mother was smiling at her- no, smirking.

“Hit a nerve, love?”

“Stop!” Pearl cried out, pressing forward and gnashing her teeth in poorly contained fury. Her eyes were full of intent to _murder_ , and tears had begun to spill from them. She remembered the tears that had fallen from Iolite’s eyes that had sparkled under the ring lights. They had made slightly darker streams down her smooth lilac skin.

“This is precisely why my pearls use.” Mother straightened her posture and dropped her smile. She became gravely serious. “They all have something to forget. We all do. I know you do too, now.”

“I’m not above breaking you.” Pearl spat. “I’m not above destroying your form and cracking you to pieces. I’d do this world a favor, in fact. Consider it a public service.” Her eyes were truly murderous then, she knew. How dare she pretend to understand? Her spear was perfectly poised to slice her throat in one fluid motion. Another drip of blood traced Mother’s neck and collarbone.

She raised her hands, as if in defeat. “Oh I know that, love.” Mother took a few steps back, away from the sharp end of Pearl’s weapon. Pearl didn’t feel mimic her movements. “I know perfectly well that your morality was broken long ago.” Pearl tensed up, ready to stab at her again.

“What a cruel thing, someone must have done to you. You poor dear.” Mother’s words were supposed to be caring, but they came across cold and detached. She clapped her hands together. “Oh well. It’s in the past now, yes? I can see that you’ve done a wonderful job at healing from your traumas.” Her condescending tone felt like knives in Pearl’s throat.

“I’m done listening to you.” Pearl fumed. “Leave, or I make you.”

Mother stuck her hands in her pockets nonchalantly. “Point made.” She turned and began walking in the opposite direction. “And if you’re ever curious, if you ever want to let go of that pain,” her smile grew wickedly, “you know where to find me.”

Pearl watched her retreat as though it was in slow motion. She yelled and threw her spear into the wall of the building across the street with immense force but she took no satisfaction in the damage it did. It rolled uselessly to the ground and blinked away in a flash of white sparkling light, and Pearl was left alone in the growing dark.

It felt like the dissonant sound of the instruments warming up at the ballet were shrieking into her ears. She fell to her knees. Her heart pounded. Her thoughts swirled into a composite entirely composed of Iolite. She gave Pearl light in the murkiest dark. She sacrificed herself, but at Pearl’s hand. What did that make her?

“I’m a monster,” Pearl mumbled, gripping her arms so tightly she felt her veins constrict. Her own voice startled her, and she chuckled. “I’m a murderer,” she said, looking up into the mottled sky that beckoned the night. Just then it felt as though the thinnest blade had stabbed her heart. She brought a delicate hand to her chest to cover the figurative wound. A hand that was never meant to kill, and yet it had.

When the memories of Iolite had finally slowed to a numbing silence and her tears had finally dried, Pearl thought that it might be time to attend her ballet lesson. She stood up, brushed off her clothes, and ascended the narrow staircase that was a mere ten steps away. The chipped paint was purple.

 

* * *

 

True to her word, Mother had disappeared and left Pearl to boil in her emotions. A strange mania had taken a mantle in her head, and Pearl could find no desire to rest. She paced and paced and paced, trying to walk away the persistent flashbacks and terrors. They were growing more violent with time. There were nights that she would turn out the lights and curl up in the tightest corner of the apartment. It was an attempt to shut her mind down and drown out the racing thoughts of doom and pain. She tore at her hair for hours this way, to no avail.

Even Rose, who was hardly present lately, had begun to notice her decline. “Do you need me to take time away from work? I know, I seem to be there most of the time, and it seems as though you might need-“ but Pearl had cut her off, stating that she could take care of herself just fine. It was a nasty lie and they both knew it.

Several sessions had passed before Jade said that Pearl could start learning choreography, if she wanted. “You have the basics down, and we can work on stringing them together, if you like. You’re nowhere near ready for my stage, but that’s to be expected. My girls train for many years before they are ready to perform.”

Pearl wanted to be excited, and knew that it was the correct response to be excited, but her soul felt like nothing was exciting anymore, so she pretended. She feigned enthusiasm and hoped that her façade was enough. All throughout her practices, she drew parallels between the dance movements and her fights. She was miserable.

Pearl took a little longer before every dance lesson to stand at the foot of the stairs and stare in the direction of Mother’s Home. She remembered exactly how to get there. It was another six minutes straight ahead, then one minute down an alleyway. It loomed as an ever present, horrific option.

Until one day, when Pearl decided she didn’t want to live this way anymore.

She had told Rose that she had another lesson on a typically unscheduled evening. Rose hadn’t asked any questions, which allowed Pearl to let go of the many recitations that she’d practiced for the scenario. She slipped out as though it were any other evening, pressing the door closed tenderly, as though it might break.

Her stomach was in knots for the entire walk there. She knew it was wrong that she was even showing up, but she wanted to understand. She wanted to know how this worked, and why anyone would willingly put themselves through such bodily harm. She wanted to know if it helped with delusions and flashbacks.

Pearl sat on the slanted edge of the crack in the wall and slid through it, weaving around the jagged edges around her. She scraped her knees on a rough surface and hissed at the pain. Finally, she broke through, into Mother’s Home once again.

It was just as painful on the eyes as it had been the first time: dim, dusty, and haphazardly discarded. The pearls sitting nearest to the entrance all stood lightning quick and reached for concealed weapons. Their eyes were narrowed on Pearl and ready to strike. Then, their defensive stances broke down when Mother laid a hand on one of their shoulders and appeared before Pearl with her arms held wide.

“What a lovely surprise! Welcome back.” Mother said cheerfully, and a few of the pearls smiled from the corners of their mouths as well.

Pearl raised a hand to her gem and allowed it to glow threateningly, and the pearls that had already witnessed her spear all visibly flinched and backed away, except for Mother. Her smile remained cemented in place, like a universal constant.

“I want information.” Pearl said deadpan. The mood of the Home had shifted drastically to one of violent tension. It was dead silent except for two voices.

“Of course.” Mother said, and she seemed to sober up, straightening her posture and crossing her hands politely.

“Tell me,” Pearl nodded toward the few women in the back of the Home that were currently dabbing the strange liquid onto their gems with glee, “how this works.” The girls giggled unaware, and Pearl winced.

“Ahhh!” Mother exclaimed happily, raising a finger. “You’d like to know more about the oxalic acid. I knew you would come around. What would you like to know?”

Pearl bit her lip, but refused to back down to Mother’s attempts to trivialize the situation. She focused on staring her right in the face and channeling her distrust and anger through her eyes. “What does it do to cause their forms to destabilize like that?” She straightened from the defensive pose she had fallen into naturally without breaking eye contact. Mother seemed to get the idea, and dropped her smiling act.

“The process is simple, but it yields complicated results,” Mother said, raising a fist to her mouth as though contemplating her word placement. “I guess I’ll start from the beginning. What they are using is called oxalic acid. It’s actually a rather common household object here on Homeworld. Oxalic acid is used to polish and clean gems; a very superficial thing, but yet another product that media has them all believing that they simply must have.” Mother sighed. “We all know our owners aren’t the brightest either, right girls?” The pearls around her snickered. It made Pearl shiver with discomfort.

“Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes, oxalic acid is used to clean gems, but never pearls. You see, oxalic acid will eat away at a pearl. It will actually dissolve it, really.” Pearl bit back a gasp.

“But wouldn’t that kill them all?” Pearl blurted out, fear rising in her chest alongside the creeping anger that swept over her features like a curtain.

Mother chuckled quietly. “It does, eventually. See old Livewire here, Wire, my dear,” Mother snapped her fingers in the face of a pearl that was next to her. The pearl blinked, but didn’t respond much more than that. She looked dazed and horribly confused.

“Wire, do you remember why you’re here, darling?” Mother cooed, smoothing back Livewire’s hair. The gem suddenly twitched so violently that she bumped into Mother, who held out her hands to keep her from falling. She took a long time to straighten out again, but her eyes never changed from the glossed over stare that was deeply unsettling.

Suddenly, she spoke. “I just wanted to see them again.” She said in a raspy voice that indicated she hadn’t spoken in days. Her arms were starting to shake, and soon her whole body was quaking. She was making a small stuttering sound deep in her throat.

“What is it dear, what is it you need?” Mother asked, holding her gently and attempting to soothe her. Livewire looked ready to explode with anxiety.

“I need more,” She croaked, “please give me more. I just want to see them again. I don’t want to be here.”

“Are you sure, love?” Mother asked, but it was obvious she was feigning concern. She was already reaching for a small bottle of acid from her pocket. Livewire nodded violently and twitched again, falling back into a chair and losing control of her limbs while she cried out.

Pearl had simply looked on in horror. What kind of sick joke was this? Livewire was obviously ill and needed help. The drug only did the opposite. Livewire looked ready to crack where she sat.

As Pearl stood frozen in a quiet panic, Mother whispered encouraging words into Livewire’s ear. She pulled out the stopper to her small glass bottle and carefully let out two drops over her gem. Livewire gasped, then her eyes rolled back and her form shimmered a shocking white. It faltered and shook and lost shape several times before she returned to her usual body, now sporting terrifying white cracks down her entire form. They were the worst on her forehead, where they spread like webbing down her face and her neck all the way to her fingertips. The cracks were glowing and pulsing with energy. The worst part of it all, though, was the tender smile on her face.

Mother clicked her tongue in mild disappointment. “Now you’ve seen up close. The acid gets dropped on; it starts to damage the gem, and then dissipates. The way it works in the mind, though, that’s what’s truly special.” Mother smiled.

“When the oxalic acid first hits, it is as though you are dying, because you quite literally are. Then, the acid breaks down before it can truly kill you, so long as your gem is in good condition, but the rush of your gem almost cracking flows through you after the pain. Oh love, it’s so worth it.”

“How is _that_ ” Pearl spat, “worth anything?” She was beyond mad now. Mother truly was killing them slowly, drop by drop. It was despicable.

“When the rush fills you, you feel a sense of peace,” Mother explained. “You’ll go into a space created by your mind to fill the void of actually retreating into your gem. In that space, anything is possible, and everything is okay.” Mother smiled and reached for Pearl’s hand, but Pearl jerked backwards to avoid it with a deathly glare.

“It’s a place of no pain, love. It’s a place where all of these lost gems can find comfort, or find the one thing that they miss most.” Mother reached forward again, but Pearl only moved back another step. “Anyone can find happiness inside of it. Whatever pains you, it can all go away.”

Mother reached once again, and Pearl snapped. “Stop trying to touch me! I don’t want you anywhere near me!” She snarled. Mother’s face fell into a frown masked by a fake innocence.

“But love, can’t you see?” Mother asked, her head tilted and eyebrows upturned. “You can’t truly know how evil it is without experiencing it, right?”

Pearl’s eyes widened with understanding. “No, you are not coming anywhere near me with that stuff.” She said, her voice wavering with anxiety. She tried to turn to rush out of the Home, but the two pearls nearest to her grabbed her wrists. She cried out and pulled with all her strength, but they had her in a tight hold. Pearl’s heart was seized with fear.

“Just one drop love, just a little try,” Mother soothed. She beckoned for the pearls to bring her forward and the dropped her down in a moldy chair. Pearl kicked and fought but soon four pearls were holding her down. She yelled and screamed, even though she knew no one would hear.

“Please don’t,” Pearl begged, fighting back tears as Mother pulled out the little glass bottle again. She glanced over at Livewire who was currently bleeding from her nose and laughing quietly. She sobbed dryly and shuddered as Mother brought the dropper to her forehead.

“Shhh, you’ll be alright, love. Just one little drop.”

“No!” Pearl screamed, yanking at the arms holding her down. Her crying turned into hyperventilation. “No, no no,” she repeated between anguished breaths, but Mother did not listen.

In fact, Mother’s smile remained exactly in place. It was a softened smile meant to encourage and lull her into submission, but Pearl refused. She fought with every ounce of her being. She twisted, yelled, snapped her teeth, and cried.

“Close your eyes, love.” Mother said, and with one final scream, Pearl felt a cool liquid that burned like fire drop onto her gem and send her reeling into bright white agony.


	6. Hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mother has forced Pearl into a situation that she can never take back. It fills her with too many emotions to trace, but most prominent is the overarching confusion and conflict in her heart. Experiencing both sides of the coin only worsens her frustration, especially when this side brings back powerful emotions that Pearl cannot ignore.

She had felt this pain before.

She could remember it clearly. The memories still flashed before her eyes regularly, replaying over and over again. Yes, Pearl could remember her last glance into the Amber’s eyes before her dual swords had pierced her, had chipped her gem. The pain of being torn apart was nearly identical to what she felt now.

It felt like the pain was bursting from her very being. Her skin felt assaulted by thousands of poison-dipped needles, but she did not have skin at all. Everything was white. She couldn’t see anything, or hear anything. She could only feel as though her blood was being shed over her entire consciousness.

Then, just as she thought she could bear it no more, an inky void bled into her white prison. The brightness that accompanied the pain was swallowed by the color black, which took with it the sharp pains from before. Instead of feeling like she was being ripped apart, Pearl felt a dull ache that throbbed with each second.

Her first cohesive thought was a curse toward Mother. She had caused this pain. She had forced her into this situation and she would never forgive her. Anger pervaded her inner voice.

The blackness blinked away and into view came a muted, blurry projection of Mother’s Home. Nothing looked real or felt real. Pearl looked down and realized that she had rematerialized and had a body again, but couldn’t recall regenerating. Was this real, then? She turned her hands to stare at her palms. They looked exactly like they had when she was given the acid- slightly scuffed up by the ragged edges of the Home’s entrance. Her confusion grew.

In the blurriness of the Home Pearl thought she could see several figures, but they looked only like faint blobs in a sea of muddied imagery. She reached out in all directions but felt as though she could touch nothing. Everything was just barely out of reach.

Anxiety started to grip Pearl’s heart. Home was not a safe place. This wasn’t a place she wanted to be. As soon as the thought left her, she blinked and she was no longer there. She was now standing in a much clearer version of Rose Quartz’s apartment. She looked wildly around her, but everything looked the same as always. There was no blob resembling Rose, so she was alone. Just being in an illusion like Rose’s home made her feel safer than before. She knew all this rapid changing of scenery should frighten her, but she couldn’t bring herself to be frightened. Everything felt smooth and resolved. She hadn’t felt peace like this in many months, if she had ever felt it at all.

A sound like knocking startled her and she whipped around to the apartment door in response. She reached toward her gem and tried to summon a weapon, but nothing happened. Before she could get frustrated and try again, the apartment door slowly creaked open. Pearl’s breath left her.

In the doorway stood a gem two heads shorter than her. She let a loose hand linger on the doorknob. A gem sparkled brilliantly there, nestled on lavender skin. She looked at Pearl with a sad, lost expression. Her eyes matched her gem in vibrancy, as did the disheveled tresses of curly hair that barely tickled her neck. She was wrapped in a white gown that sparkled slightly.

“Iolite.” Pearl breathed, her voice barely above a whisper.

Time stood still. Iolite stared into her eyes, their expression hardy but softened by her smile. She leaned into the doorframe and her dress followed her perfectly. It pooled around her feet like a waterfall.

“Hi, P.”

Pearl couldn’t wait. She took hasty strides forward, almost running. When she reached Iolite, she fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around her waist. She felt soft, real. She buried her head in Iolite’s shoulder and cried. Her pain was a distant memory now.

“Iolite, I thought I would never see you again.” Pearl said through her tears. She gripped Iolite so tightly she worried she might be hurting her, but she made no indication of that. Instead, she placed a hand on Pearl’s head and gently brushed her hair back. Pearl closed her eyes, content.

“I didn’t think so either, Pearl, but hey, here I am.” Iolite said softly. She knelt down too, and Pearl shifted so that she was holding Iolite’s head into her own shoulder now. Their bodies had melted and simply existed together in a jumbled, sloppy embrace. She tried brushing her hair but found it to be too tangled and thick to run her fingers through, so she laughed quietly at the subtle detail in joy and ran her thumb over top of it.

They sat that way for a long while. How long, Pearl had no idea. It wasn’t until she realized that Iolite was acting strange that she spoke again. “Is everything alright?” She asked, concern flooding her features. She wanted this to be real.

Iolite looked up at her with eyes so deep with conflict that she struggled to maintain eye contact. “I shouldn’t be here, Pearl.” She said. “You know it, too.”

Pearl smiled nervously. “What do you mean?” She rubbed a runaway tear from Iolite’s cheek. She didn’t realize she was crying.

“You know I am not supposed to be here. You know this is wrong.” Iolite was frowning. Her eyes were bubbling over with tears of frustration and pain, too quickly for Pearl to catch them before they stained her perfect dress.

Pearl chuckled quietly. “How can anything be wrong, if you’re here?” Her eyes threatened to fill with tears again at the joy of being reunited with her dearest friend. All the other details didn’t matter to her anymore. All that mattered was Iolite, pressed up against her chest in a warm embrace that they never had the luxury of experiencing in life.

She didn’t want to think about that. Iolite was here, right now, and that was all Pearl needed. Iolite sighed and nuzzled into Pearl’s chest. She raised her gemmed hand to touch the palm of Pearl’s opposite one, and she gripped it gently. Pearl felt so intimately connected to her.

“I have to go.” Iolite said quietly, and Pearl felt her heart breaking again.

“Why? We were only just meeting up,” Pearl said, her smile falling apart quickly into a desperate, fearful frown. “We only just started!”

“Pearl, you can’t come back. _I_ can’t come back. I’m dead, Pearl, and you know it.” Iolite said, her face becoming stoic. She pulled away, but Pearl grabbed her by the wrist.

“Don’t go,” Pearl said, her voice catching in her throat. “Please, we only just started.”

“I’m sorry Pearl, I have to go.” Iolite remained steely in her disposition. She stood and pulled her hand free from Pearl’s grip.

“No, I don’t want to lose you again.” Pearl muttered. “I can’t do this again! We only just started!” She repeated. It couldn’t be over. “I can’t live this way!”

Pearl gasped; Iolite had pressed her full lips to her gem and kissed it gently. A cold shiver ran down her spine and made her fingertips tingle. She looked up at Iolite in wonder. She was looking down in mournful anger. “I have to go. Don’t come back here, Pearl. Please. For me.”

She turned around and walked back to the doorway. “Wait!” Pearl cried out, reaching for her. She lost balance and fell onto her hands and knees. “Don’t go!” She sobbed. Tears were falling heavily in large drops onto Rose’s hard floor. They sizzled and burned the wood.

Iolite stood still to give her another look of sympathy, but she took the doorknob anyway. As she slid behind the door and pulled it shut, Pearl yelled. The door clicked and the apartment melted away, but Pearl didn’t care. She curled in on herself and gripped her stomach as despair ate away at her heart. She shook with sobs. “Iolite…” She mumbled, losing the strength to scream.

“Iolite… Come back… Iolite…” She said under her breath, but it was of no use. The blurry surroundings resembling the Home were starting to take shape, and she was starting to regain consciousness. Deep down, she knew Iolite hadn’t been real. It sharpened the pain.

Pearl cried out as the stinging from before started to split through her forehead like hot blades. Her vision flooded white before bursting into color, back with a painful jolt into Mother’s Home and into consciousness. No, she didn’t want this. Where did Iolite go?

Mother’s face was the first thing that Pearl recognized, and the rage she had felt before overflowed. She struck out with her fists, yelling as she attempted to grab her. Tears streaked through sweat over her face. “You soulless, foul excuse for a-“ Pearl gasped and fell backwards into her chair. Her body shimmered white and glitched in and out of corporeality. The room swirled in opposing directions. As always, Mother smiled.

“This is a normal reaction to the acid, my dear.” She said, her voice far too warm to belong to a monster. “Please try to relax, your form is still attempting to hold itself together after the trauma.” Pearl blinked away stars and reached up for her burning gem, but pulled her fingers away with a sharp hiss. They tingled from the chemicals that were eating away at her core.

Pearl sighed shakily and ran her hand through her hair, attempting to ground herself. It was much more difficult without Rose there to coach her, and she kept losing focus. Two identical pearls that had held her down were loosening their grip, sitting back and sending her small smiles. They looked sympathetic and had kind eyes. It was a stark contrast to Mother’s conniving expression.

“You were saying a name,” one of them said, her voice soft and low. “Did you lose someone close to you?” She leaned in and touched the back of Pearl’s resting hand. When Pearl whipped it firmly away from reach, she respected her silent request for distance and sat back.

“I don’t feel compelled to answer you.” Pearl said icily. The gem across from her nodded and returned to silence, but didn’t leave. They sat frozen for several uncomfortable minutes.

“She lives on in your heart, love.” Mother said quietly. “I’m sure that you experienced that for yourself. It is a common scenario, meeting up with the ones you love that you’ve lost. It feels terrifyingly real, doesn’t it?”

Pearl grit her teeth and lunged forward, this time making it closer to her target before the twin pearls grabbed her by the torso and held her back. She wanted nothing more than to attack Mother. Her chest heaved with heavy pants, as though the action had been as taxing as a sprint. Her eyes were wide and tearful. She felt nothing but a chilling numbness coated with angry denial. How dare she imply that Iolite was still alive?

Truthfully, Pearl didn’t know what to think. Just moments ago she had been holding Iolite, and they were both crying. She could recall the slightly chilled feeling of Iolite’s tears under her thumb. She had felt so real in her arms. She felt warm. It was uncanny. She only knew it was an illusion from the very vivid memories of millions of purple shards scattering with a deafening crack. Nothing, not even such an intense hallucination, could take away the fact that Pearl had murdered the only gem she had ever cared for. Her chest ached.

As the memories came flooding back Pearl relaxed the tension in her muscles and pulled her hands up to cover her face. She shook with sobs she refused to let out. She pulled at the edges of her hair on her forehead. She felt so broken.

“I’ll leave you alone to recover, love.” Mother said, but Pearl could hardly be bothered to look at her again. Her gem was still throbbing and every once in a while everything in her vision tilted to the side, so she kept her eyes closed. She tried to focus on the sound of her breathing to even it out, but the best she could muster was a shaky, long exhale. She let her hands fall flat in her lap and her back sag.

Once Mother had stepped a generous distance away, the two pearls that were still sitting by her slackened their posture and relaxed into their chairs. Pearl looked to each of them, back and forth. They truly were identical, save for their gems, which were a pure white and a dark gray. The dark gray one had a smile that seemed slightly mischievous. The white one had been the one to speak to her earlier. She was quiet and reserved.

“Nice to meet ya.” The darker pearl said. She held out a hand, and Pearl took it hesitantly. She shook her hand with a firm grip. “I’m X20A34, and this is X20A35. Here we go by Tahi,” she pointed to herself, “and Akoya.” She pointed across Pearl’s lap to the white pearl.

“I’m pleased to meet you.” Akoya said in the same low, methodical voice as before. They both seemed so different, but they were subconsciously copying each other’s movements. Pearl’s blank mind was permeated with fascination. She was beginning to regret her previous tone of voice with the pearl Akoya.

“You’re probably wonderin’ what this is all about.” Tahi said, and on cue as she waved her hand about randomly, Akoya perfectly echoed it. Their movements were perfectly in sync. Pearl nodded slowly.

“You see, ah, what should I call you?” Tahi asked. Pearl’s brow furrowed.

“Well,” she croaked, and she cleared her throat quickly, “well, I am B27A20.” She recited, but the numbers and letters hardly meant anything to her anymore. She had been just ‘Pearl’ for so long. “I don’t really... have a nickname, so to speak. I’ve always just been Pearl.” She blushed slightly in embarrassment. The two pearls waved her off in tandem.

“That’s fine, we can call you Pearl. You’re new to this, anyway.” Akoya spoke up briefly. Her lips curled into a very subtle smile, which Pearl felt obligated to return. It did make her feel a little better.

“Right, so Pearl it is.” Tahi said, and Pearl nodded. “Well Pearl, if you hadn’t noticed, our numbers are just one apart. We were made together, sold together, and have lived together since our creation. Our owners wanted it that way. They have a strange obsession with mimicry. Something about it being more perfect that way. I dunno, a bunch of garbage.” She waved her hand idly as though tossing the notion aside.

“That is why we stay here, whenever we can.” Akoya said, and Tahi became quiet. Pearl hung on every word Akoya spoke, as they were said so deliberately and carefully that each one felt important. “They take our perfect sameness very seriously. We have been conditioned to copy each other since our purchasing. When we do not present perfectly, we are punished severely.” Tahi frowned and looked down at her crossed hands. Pearl noticed that their arms were both littered with matching scars. It sounded like an awful way to live.

“We come here because Mother lets us be whoever we wanna be.” Tahi said, making a fist with one hand. Akoya deliberately did not copy her. “We’re tired of having to be the same all the time. Tired of the abuse. Here, we can be safe together, but separate. The acid just enhances the experience.” Akoya sighed across from her. She looked down at her lap.

“The acid allows us to enter our own worlds, where the other does not exist. No, I would not say we hate each other. We’re not given that luxury, anyway. The freedom of being alone though, it feels the most real when we are not next to each other at all.” Their looks had both devolved into such a tired sadness that Pearl had to look away. She knew that feeling too well.

“I know Mother comes across wrong at first, but she really means well.” Tahi said. Her face looked stony as she said it, as though her words were pre-conditioned. It was slightly unsettling. “She doesn’t ask much of us when you think of the gain. Steal a bottle here and there from our owners, go out on night shifts to collect cash, but at the end of the day we still get to use that acid as much as we want.”

“Don’t you know that it will kill you, though?” Pearl asked, bewildered. The twins looked so comfortable with the notion that it almost made her feel sick. What kind of brainwashing had Mother done to them, to all of the pearls in this room?

“She explained it to us, yes.” Akoya said. She reached across Pearl’s lap and gently held Tahi’s hand above her. “Unfortunately, the rewards seemed to be worth the risk.” She frowned. “I’m not so sure I think that’s true anymore.” They squeezed each other’s hand for comfort. Pearl’s heart panged as she remembered soft lilac hands. It had felt so real.

She shook her head. Now was not the time to dive into painful memories. “Why is Livewire sometimes fine, and sometimes not?” She asked them. Tahi grimaced.

“She took too much. ‘S part of why we try to cut down. Wire is what happens when you keep using, over and over again, for too long. She’s at the point where she acts the most sober when she’s on the oxalic. Weird, isn’t it?” Tahi chuckled, but the situation was anything but funny. “It’s when she starts to come down that she starts to freak out. Poor girl is falling apart. Who knows how long she’s got left.”

Pearl felt a shiver trace down her spine. They fell into silence once more as Pearl thought on all the new information. It was almost too much to process. However, she had gotten answers. The acid did help. She felt more relaxed now than she had for months. She wondered how long she could go before she would be hit with another panic attack, or another grueling flashback. A spike of fear struck her at the thought of them returning. Pearl wasn’t sure that she could handle it coming back alone.

“Thank you.” She said, and she stood slowly to be sure she didn’t destabilize. Her feet felt heavy, but she was fine. “I should probably go home. How do you manage to sneak away often enough to be here?” She asked.

“We lie, and hide. Pearls can be extremely good liars and hiders.” Akoya answered, but Pearl wasn’t sure of her own capabilities. She had struggled so much with finding the courage to come this time. Even so, she nodded in appreciation for the help, and walked toward the crack in the wall. As she turned sideways to slip out, she caught the eyes of Mother smiling at her. She waved goodbye slightly, and Pearl left as quickly as possible.

When she had arrived home, she had immediately requested the use of the baths to wash off from her supposed lesson. Rose agreed, as always, and suggested a new soap that she’d gotten in a sample. It smelled sweet, like fresh air. Pearl felt too corrupted to use it.

As she dried off her hair and wiped the water from her skin, she noticed a flash of white in one of the large full-length mirrors. Curious, Pearl wiped off the layer of steam and promptly recoiled as though bitten by her own fearful reflection. In the bright light of the bathroom, she could just slightly see a tiny white scar, razor thin, cracking outward on her forehead toward her left side. When she looked closer, the tiniest of fissures could be traced in her gem where it met her scarred skin. It felt like a slightly ragged edge under her fingertips. Her heart pounded. It was already starting. She had only one thought race through her head the rest of the evening.

_‘Why did it have to feel so real?’_


	7. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone and I apologize profusely for the very long wait!! In my attempt to make it up to you I'm posting two "chapters" at once. The first, this one, is an interlude, that will shape the rest of the story. Thank you all for your patience and I hope you enjoy what I have in store.

Pearl had never developed much skill in controlling, naming, or dealing with emotions, and she could admit as much. Her life, from the beginning, had never allowed her time to learn or time to heal. Everything seemed to melt together after a while until there was Good, and there was Bad. Good was going to the ballet, learning to read and dance, Iolite and Rose Quartz. Bad was everything else.

Though she had divided her life into these two categories as a way to cope, the experience of the oxalic acid had left her very squarely in between them, and she had no idea what to do with it. The Good was in Iolite again- in the way she had felt in her arms and the way she had sparkled as though alive. The Bad was the means that she used to see her.

It did not take an expert to realize that taking the acid was morally wrong. Pearl felt a deep sense of shame within her for having taken so much comfort in the experience. She should tell Rose, she thought over and over, as though maybe the hundredth time she thought it, she may actually do it. Rose worked for Homeworld. She could shut down the Home at any moment. Pearl vicariously held that same power, and yet she hesitated so strongly every time the confession was trembling on her lips.

Every time she stopped, it was because she remembered all the other pearls in the room with Mother. She remembered the brief but telling conversation she had with Tahi and Akoya. They were each innocent in their own way, caught up in something they felt was impossible to escape. Pearl’s chest ached for them and for the trapped feeling they felt that she understood too well. She wanted so desperately to save them, but she knew as well as they did that the moment the Home was found out, they would all be crushed where they stood. Pearl didn’t want more blood on her hands.

Sometimes, Pearl wished that she could be under another gem’s control, as she had been in the rings. Maybe then the emotions would be snuffed under a blanket of commands, and not quite so hot and stinging. In a backwards way, maybe she would be freed of this turmoil. Iolite burned behind her eyelids and in her chest, uncontrollably. Each time she remembered, a flash of prickling, subtle pain tingled on her forehead and fear took its place. She was paralyzed.

Dance lessons had taken such a back seat that she was regressing. Jade was very obviously becoming frustrated with her, which only deepened her shame. “I’m not so sure that you’re ready to learn advanced techniques after all,” she had said, her eyes sharp while Pearl blotted at the blue blood that had soaked through her bandages. Dancing en pointe had caused damage to her feet which Jade had insisted she endure instead of heal. “If you do not feel the pain, how can you appreciate the difficulty?” She had said, and it had rung through Pearl’s mind for weeks. She knew Rose had healing tears, but she took Jade’s words to heart. Pearl wondered if she had also decided she was not worthy of being healed at all.

Each time she fell from a pose, each time her chest ached, each time she saw the color of lavender, she felt a little closer to the Home. Each time she faltered, the oxalic acid felt a little less Bad. As her shame grew, so did her desire to be rid of it.

“Again!” Jade called out as Pearl twisted on her ankle, feeling the sharp pain of her tendons strain and biting back a cry with narrowed eyes. Yes, she had decided the Good now outweighed the Bad. She needed to see Iolite again.


	8. Cave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl has decided to go forth with the oxalic acid, and continue the actions that fill her with guilt. Her emotions are twisted and unexplained, and she is afraid. Iolite was her comfort zone once, and it felt as though she could still be, but reality is never so kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The full chapter, as promised! Thank you again for your patience. Enjoy.

Her steps felt heavier and heavier as she approached the Home through the disintegrating streets but there was no backing down now, and she knew that. She had grown disturbingly determined. Perhaps, if in her right mind, Pearl would have thought she’d lost her mind. She couldn’t bring herself to care anymore.

After turning down the tight alleyway that housed the crack in the wall, two pearls stepped out from it. They walked past Pearl with tired, dead eyes that didn’t wander to meet Pearl’s surprised gaze. With a tight swallow, Pearl bent down and crouched through the crack. Of everything involved in this, she was dreading seeing Mother the most.

As though on cue, the first thing she was greeted with as she emerged on the other side was Mother’s grating voice. “Ah, my dearest Pearl! And here I was, under the impression you never wanted to return.”

Pearl kept a hardened expression and held up a vaguely threatening hand. “I would rather you not play games with me and spare me the production.” She kept her eyes glued forward and her face straight. Mother dropped her smile almost immediately.

“As you wish,” Mother drawled, “though I find it a lot more fun to be friendly, don’t you think love?” She smirked and held a hand out for Pearl to take, who obliged and pulled herself up. Mother’s hand was ice cold.

“There is a spot open in the back corner, if you’d like to be alone,” said Mother, waving a graceful hand toward the dingy sofa that was half covered in stains. “Alternatively, it is the safest place to keep you, should you go awry. You are easiest contained if we utilize the walls.”

As Mother droned on, Pearl lost track of her speech and scanned the crowd for her newest acquaintances. She had hoped to talk to them before she used the acid, but they were nowhere to be found. Disappointed, she took a seat and accepted the small bottle from Mother’s cupped hands. She eyed the bottle and felt the faint sting of the acid on her fingertips, where it had spilled over the bottle’s neck and down the sides of the glass. It seemed to be of a higher concentration than the acid she’d used before.

“You know how, love, just drop it on gently, and you’ll start feeling it right away. That’s it, take a good amount.” Mother coached her with a cooing voice that was too familiar to be comfortable. Pearl moved mechanically as she detached herself mentally from the experience, sucking acid into the dropper top and holding it above her gem. It was a strange, scary reminder of her own mortality to see the dropper dangled above her gem by her own fingers. She inhaled deeply, closed her eyes, and squeezed.

Like before, the burning came first accompanied by blinding white light, and a tingling sensation traveled from her gem to all corners of her body. She felt her existence waver, as though unsure that it was meant to be. It stung horribly.

When she began to see again the scenery had changed from Rose’s apartment, as it had been the first time. Now, Pearl found herself standing in the middle of an overflowing garden full of greens and a gentle breeze. Flower petals were floating and gliding down the air currents, and Pearl reached out to touch one. It dissolved in her grasp when she plucked it from the wind. She looked down and followed the overgrown stone pathway that weaved through the bushes.

She followed the stepping-stones a good distance before she came to a gazebo framed by white pillars and rosebushes. In the center stood an altar, upon which Iolite was sitting. Pearl let out a breathy sigh of relief and comfort. Her back was turned to Pearl as though unaware of her presence. Pearl smiled and stepped lightly forward to tap her on her shoulder, but when her hand came to hover over Iolite’s shoulder, she turned to look at Pearl first with wide, solemn eyes and a small smile.

“I’m glad you’re back, but I’m not glad you’re back, P.” Iolite twisted to give Pearl her full attention. Pearl had already swept her up in her arms in a tight embrace. She felt Iolite’s arms slide around her neck and her head press into her chest.

“I know,” Pearl said. Her hand ran through Iolite’s tough curls, smoothing them down only to watch them bounce back up. She hummed.

“I know you miss me.” Iolite’s voice was muffled as she nuzzled into Pearl’s chest, gripping Pearl’s shirt in her stubby fingers. Pearl felt a great sense of calm and happiness. Her exact emotions were still escaping description. It felt too lovely.

“I do.” Pearl said matter-of-factly. Iolite looked up at her with doe eyed concern.

“But you shouldn’t have come back.” Iolite’s plump lower lip trembled slightly. She was going to cry.

“Oh no Iolite, don’t,” Pearl scolded. She rubbed a thumb over Iolite’s soft cheek, catching a tear before it could fall. “I know these aren’t the most satisfactory means, but it’s the only way I know to reach you. Aren’t you happy about that?”

“No!” Iolite cried, pulling back and away from Pearl’s arms with anger flushing her cheeks a deep purple. “Pearl, you are meant to go live your life, without me. Go back to Rose Quartz, you have a home there. I know, it was gonna be good, and we were gonna live together and learn together and you were gonna learn how to write with me, a-and everything else in between, but all of that is gone now. Just like I’m gone.” Iolite’s form flickered in and out like a flame and Pearl’s eyes widened. Fear tore into her heart.

“Don’t say that. You’re right here, aren’t you?” Pearl said, reaching out and pulling Iolite back to her. “Besides, why would I ever want to go home, if you’re here?” She gripped her tight but Iolite pushed against her arms. She whimpered and Pearl dropped her stifling grip at the sound, recoiling as though burned by Iolite’s struggling hands. She looked at her own with disgust. “What am I doing?” She muttered aloud by mistake.

“You’re not listening, Pearl,” Iolite said, tears tracing her cheeks in heavy lines of deep purple. “I’m gone. Gone. You need to say goodbye.” Her form flashed white again and blinded Pearl. A sudden whirlwind of rose petals engulfed them both.

“I don’t want to,” Pearl whispered. The wind began to howl around them. Iolite’s hair scattered in the air in wild tufts while petals tangled in it. Her eyes flashed a frightening blank white. “I don’t want to!” Pearl called again over the wind.

Iolite’s face slackened and her pupils flashed in and out of existence, replaced with a void of blinding light. “Say goodbye,” she repeated, “say goodbye.” Lightning struck a nearby pillar and it cracked in half, tumbling down between them. Pearl shielded her face with her forearm and peered over it at Iolite’s distorted form. She crackled and rang like electricity in her ears.

“Say goodbye. Say goodbye.” Her voice echoed and became welded to the wind and a new metallic, synthetic croon. Lightning struck again and then twice more at the pillars around the altar. Her hair became statically charged as well as waving madly in the wind.

“Iolite!” Pearl yelled, but the wind roared too loudly for the quickly deteriorating form of her friend to hear. Her eyes, though empty, seemed to pierce her chest with knowing guilt. The wind meant she could no longer hear Iolite either, but she saw her lips continue to move and chant again and again what she refused to hear.

The pillar behind Pearl snapped and came crashing down. Pearl turned quickly enough to catch a glimpse of her own terrified expression in the marble. Lightning struck again.

_“Say goodbye.”_

 

* * *

 

Pearl gasped sharply and choked, gripping her chest as she sprang up from the couch into an upright position. Her hands trembled. Her eyes felt wide and dry. She heard nothing but the sound of her own gem crackling and popping quietly from the acid. She shimmered white and gripped the couch with white knuckles to stay in control. A hand touched her shoulder and she recoiled so quickly she nearly fell over.

“Do not be alarmed,” Akoya said softly, “you are back in the waking world.” Pearl relaxed slightly at the sound of her voice, smooth and low. She barely knew the pearl, but her voice was deceptively soothing and familiar.

“Akoya,” Pearl asked, “why did I come back here?” Tears fell unhindered and she loosened her hold on the couch cushion. She shuddered and felt her gem protest with a twang that vibrated in her head. Akoya’s hand laid itself gently on her back. She remained silent while Pearl grieved. She somehow knew that Pearl’s question was rhetorical.

“Where is Tahi?” Pearl asked after a few minutes, her crying reduced to fitful sniffles and rubbing her eyes with her palms. Her gem stung.

“She is away on her own journey. I stayed behind this time.” Pearl began to ask what she meant, but realized that Tahi was, in actuality, in a corner of the room mumbling to herself and drooling slightly. Pearl winced. _‘Did I look like that too?’_

“Where do you go when you journey?” Akoya asked, surprising Pearl with her candor.

“What do you mean?” Pearl said, reserved. She wanted to touch her gem but knew better. She didn’t want burnt fingertips. Still, the ache begged her for pressure, so she held her head in her hands instead. It staved off the pain but only slightly.

“I mean what is it that occupies your headspace?” Akoya said evenly. She sat down opposite Pearl on a crooked stool.

“Well, the first time it was nothing, then my h- where I live, and just now it was a garden of sorts.” She felt her conscience bruise when she felt uncomfortable calling Rose Quartz’s apartment her home. She didn’t know where home was now, truthfully. Deep-seeded shame flooded her chest.

“Do you know that you can form your own space, more permanently?” Akoya said, an eyebrow slightly raised. Pearl shook her head, encouraging her to explain. Akoya crossed her hands in her lap.

“It is possible to manipulate your headspace however you like. It is, after all, your own place. In theory, every gem has one. Pearls are notorious for their ability to craft them, since they are often used as a sort of storage for their owners. You can craft them at any time, but it is easiest when you have retreated to your gem to regenerate.” Akoya paused, as though unsure of how to explain. “Because the oxalic acid forces us into a suspended half here, half there state, we spend our highs primarily in our spaces. It’s where most of the appeal lies, being able to spend time in your own pocket dimension tailored exactly as you wish.”

Pearl looked at her own hands, stretching her fingers and staring into her palms. Hands that had tried to hold Iolite captive. Hands that had murdered before, but somehow, the thought of them having turned against Iolite’s wishes repulsed her more.

“What is it for you?” Pearl asked boldly. She mentally berated herself for her intrusive questioning, but Akoya didn’t seem to mind.

“I go to a deep cavern underground of grey rocks and bright blue pools. The springs are hot and soothing, and beautiful. I am comfortable and blissfully alone.” Akoya looked to Pearl, narrowing her eyes as they made contact. “Are you alone in your garden, Pearl?”

Pearl froze, unable to keep a look of surprise hidden. “How did you-“

“It’s not wise to bring gems you know to your headspace, Pearl.” Akoya disregarded Pearl’s questioning and took on a lower, firmer tone. Pearl felt herself shrinking.

“It’s not as though I’m bringing her there, she’s already there when I arrive!” Pearl said, an unsteady smile and laugh on her lips. “I don’t just, think her up, that would be ridiculous.”

Akoya eyed her, watching her laugh uncomfortably. Her eyes were still narrowed and Pearl felt judgment slice through her. “Are you certain?” The words were heavy on Pearl’s chest, but Akoya continued. “Your headspace is entirely made up by your own conscience. Anyone who appears there is not truly there, no matter the circumstances. With that in mind, are you certain you haven’t just ‘thought her up?’ Are you sure that she is acting with a sound mind and not just as you wish she would?”

Pearl’s face contorted with anger. “You’re wrong.” She seethed, but she didn’t know why. An irrational rage came over her. _‘How dare she,’_ Pearl thought, _‘how dare she imply this.’_

What was ‘this’, though? Pearl frowned. She had implied that the Iolite in her head had been a figment of her own imagination, a creation, and had therefore acted only as Pearl had wanted her to act. It couldn’t have been true, if Iolite had been so upset as to cry and to begin to deteriorate. Could it? Would the Iolite that breathed across from her cell long ago have done the same? She still felt a crushing sense of doubt. She held her head in her hands and cursed Akoya.

“Please leave,” Pearl said, and she was rather impressed with her own manners considering the fury she felt beneath her skin. Akoya only nodded, stood and walked back to the wall where her twin sat dazed and far away from the world. Pearl felt undeniably alone.

Despite her attempts to compose herself, Pearl could find no way to prove that Iolite wasn’t a figment of her imagination, and it frightened her. She felt a hollow fear in her chest at the thought. It made sense that it couldn’t truly be her, but at the same time it felt too real to disregard. The confusion was tearing at her chest. She had to get out of there.

She stood, swayed slightly in her wooziness, and strode toward the exit without looking down at Akoya and Tahi. Mother grabbed her arm, and for once Pearl didn’t protest. She was tired.

“Will you be alright, love?” Mother asked, and it almost sounded sincere. Pearl saw worry in her face.

She regained composure by shaking out her limbs, even though they kept quivering. “I’ll be fine,” she said under her breath. She looked away from Mother’s gaze. It felt uncomfortable suddenly to glare at her as she always had. Maybe she did care. She felt so overwhelmed by her uncertainty. She had to go.

“Come back if you need support. I’ll always be here.” Mother said with a small smile. “Akoya and Tahi seem to have taken a liking to you. They wish you’d show more often.”

Pearl nodded, and headed out and toward the apartment. As she walked, she meditated on Mother’s words. Had she been blinded by her ignorance before, and had she always cared for her wellbeing? Maybe she had been too quick to judge. Maybe Mother had been genuine all along. A new layer of guilt hardened over her heart.

When she stumbled into the apartment on unsteady feet, she was surprised to find Rose Quartz sitting at her favorite place at the window with a troubled expression.

“Pearl, I want to talk,” she said, her tone serious with a hint of worry. Pearl’s heart felt frozen. Had she been caught? Had Rose caught on to her drug use? Panic overwhelmed her.

“O-of course,” Pearl stuttered, stepping carefully toward Rose in an attempt to hide her imbalance. The acid was still affecting her motor skills. She felt slightly dizzy. Rose patted the cushioned seat next to her, and Pearl obliged, sitting up unnaturally straight.

Rose sighed lightly, and Pearl felt chills on her back. She’d almost forgotten how beautiful her voice was, even when it wasn’t speaking at all. “I’m worried about you, Pearl. I hardly see you anymore.” She leaned back into the windowsill. “To be fair, my work interferes with the time I spend at home, but I still find it troubling that I never see you.” Her eyebrows were upturned and her lips slightly pouted, and Pearl felt an odd combination of adoration and cold nervousness. Despite everything, Rose was still her savior and still her confidant. Pearl still didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry,” she said finally. She truly was, too. She hadn’t been respectful of Rose’s sacrifice in keeping her safe and well looked after in her apartment. She should have been more grateful.

Rose shook her head, and her long pink curls swayed with the movement. “Don’t be sorry. I just don’t want you getting hurt.” She paused, but it didn’t seem like she was done. “I know what’s been happening with dance, Pearl.”

Pearl froze. “I…” she started, but she still didn’t know what to say. She didn’t have any excuses. Did she know about the drugs too? Had she found everything out? “I’m sorry,” she repeated, feeling like her throat was closing up. “I don’t know what to say,” she admitted. “I know it was wrong to do, but I still did it. I hope you can forgive me.” Something about Rose Quartz made her feel safe in revealing her insecurities. Fear danced on her heart, though, for what if Rose did know about the acid? Her own words still hid the details in the hopes that maybe she did not.

“Oh goodness no, Pearl, it’s alright!” Rose smiled warmly, and Pearl felt some of her anxieties melt away if only for a moment. She felt so safe. She placed a hand on Pearl’s shoulder and it lit her nerves on pleasant fire. “You should have told me. You shouldn’t feel like you need to suffer needlessly. Here,” Rose said, and before Pearl could protest, Rose wiped away tears from her eyes that she pressed lovingly over Pearls ankles.

Her feet began to glow and Pearl looked up at Rose with surprise. She didn’t know anything at all. It was about her ailing feet from the new dances, not skipping class, and not the drugs. Part of her felt relieved, but another part felt restless and heavy at the same time. She almost wished Rose could figure it out herself so she wouldn’t have to explain her evils. Still, she relished in the feeling of her feet healing with the same warmth that Rose’s smile gave her chest.

“You are worthy of healing, Pearl,” Rose said softly, her eyes downcast at Pearl’s feet as she watched them blink into perfect health. “You must know that. You are worthy of help.” She looked into Pearl’s eyes, and she felt her face heat up. “If you need help, you need to tell me so.” Rose was serious and her words resonated with Pearl deeply. Pearl had stopped shaking.

She nodded silently, and Rose rubbed her back once. Her hand fully stretched across her shoulders. Pearl felt so small around Rose, but it wasn’t scary. It made her feel protected. She bit back tears and leaned her head into Rose’s soft arm. She felt shame for having forgotten the support she had at home, all this time. This was home, she thought. She couldn’t have her memory of Iolite change that.

They stayed that way for most of the night. Rose read a book aloud and Pearl didn’t truly listen, but Rose didn’t seem to mind. The sound of her voice was enough to lull her into a daze of comfort and happiness. She still felt as though her business with Iolite was not done, and knew she would have to go back to the Home, but she let herself have this moment. Rose didn’t need to know that. She kept reading, and Pearl let herself relax, if only for these fleeting hours.


	9. Turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl knows she's gone too far, but its too far to stop. She learns entirely too much about her own delusions, and is faced with emotions she can't ignore.

Pearl entered the Home for the third time in seven days.

Spending more time with Rose Quartz had given her many reasons to quit, but Iolite had quickly become too strong of a comfort to ignore. Although it pained Pearl to continue lying, she was starting to see no other option but to use the acid when she felt reality crashing in too fast. Oxalic acid was an avoidance tactic, Pearl knew that; she was intelligent enough to know what was going on and exactly what she was doing. It didn’t stop her from returning again and again, eager for more.

Yes, she was becoming addicted to the therapeutic qualities that her headspace, and subsequently Iolite, possessed, and she knew it. Still, she came back each time. Rose would be horribly disappointed.

A quick scan over the room revealed a noticeable lack of Mother this time. Normally she would greet Pearl with her usual fanfare and they would go about business, but there was no overdramatic welcome. A touch of concern spotted her heart. It was unlike her not to make a big deal of her arrival. It had embarrassed her before, but it was becoming almost endearing now.

Pearl started searching for the most sober pearl in the room to ask for Mother’s whereabouts, but Tahi and Akoya came forward to greet her before she could get so far. They were both smiling. From this view, Pearl could tell that Tahi’s smile leaned more to the left than Akoya’s. They were different, even if their owners demanded otherwise. It felt validating to notice their flaws instead of their perfect rhythm. She thought they might like to know about it too, if she remembered to comment on it later.

“Where is she?” Pearl asked, and she couldn’t help but let some of her worry seep into her tone. She wrung her fingers nervously. She was anxious to see Iolite again and Mother held all of the acid.

“Mother went out on a little joyride with Z and a few others,” Tahi said, her crooked smile widening and revealing a sharp canine. “Every once in a while she’ll join up to hunt for treasure.”

Akoya, sensing Pearl’s slight confusion at Tahi’s slang, took her hands and made gentle eye contact. “Mother has joined some of our kin to find resources to provide more oxalic acid for us all. Typically she sends a group of us out alone, but sometimes she will come with, to show unity and fairness. I believe that’s how you first met her.”

Pearl nodded and looked over her shoulder. She spotted Livewire in a corner, froth at the corners of her mouth and her gem sparking in distress. “How is Livewire?” Pearl asked. Tahi and Akoya instantly looked grim.

“I don’t think she has more than a week at this point,” Tahi said, uncharacteristically grave. Akoya mirrored her expression.

Pearl raised a hand to her own gem and traced the cracks she’d memorized in the mirror. She was being damaged too, especially at the rate she was consuming. She was going too fast too frequently, and she knew it. She could have laughed if it weren’t so dark; she knew so many things but ignored them all.

“It’s alright Pearl. Mother takes care of us.”

“It is true. Watch, and you’ll see that she tends to each of us as her best friends.”

They must have noticed her nervous reaction. Pearl folded her hands in front of her, concentrating on keeping them steady. Her hands shook almost all the time now, a telling side effect. Oxalic acid had changed her more than emotionally. Her body was always so tired.

As if on cue, Mother entered the Home with more grace than Pearl thought possible, considering they had to crawl through a cramped crack to get there. She had a beaming smile, and behind her filed in a handful of pearls. One of them must have been the “Z” that Tahi had mentioned, but she didn’t know who.

“Free hits for everyone tonight, ladies! Your quotas are all filled.” Mother boomed over the murmur of the crowd, and a chorus of incoherent cheers followed. She looked to Pearl directly as she spoke. “We made a fine haul tonight.”

Pearl gave Mother a small smile back. Akoya was right, it did give a greater sense of family to see Mother so eager to assist them. She didn’t seem so power-hungry. Maybe that was always part of the plan. Pearl shook the thought away.

“May I speak with you in private, love?” Mother asked, gesturing toward the same corner Livewire sat propped against the moldy wall. It was lucky the place didn’t stink, and instead smelled strongly of burning chemicals. It helped her to forget the filth. She nodded to Mother and let her lead the way.

“I don’t think I’ve heard a single word of your owner, Pearl.” Mother had stopped them at the seats closest to Livewire. Pearl could just barely hear her throat gurgling. It was rather uncomfortable. “Can I hear about her, or them?”

“Well,” Pearl trailed off, unsure of her answer. “My owner isn’t truly my ‘owner’, so to speak.” Mother’s eyebrow rose as if asking for an explanation. Pearl exhaled as she tried to configure her words carefully. “She doesn’t believe that owning a gem is ethical. I live with her and study with her, but that’s about it. I’m able to live relatively freely.” It felt good to describe her living situation. Mother was bug-eyed with interest, and Pearl took pride in it. They stood in silence for a moment too long.

“I must say you came out incredibly lucky.” Mother broke eye contact to stare at the floor. “Almost all of us are at the command of our owners at any time. Within earshot, anyway.” She raised a contemplative finger to her lip with a curious, but guarded grin. “Have you ever known that feeling?”

Pearl felt hot flashes singe her fingertips at the memory of her hands striking forth without her control in a pit full of sand and lavender hair. She blinked rapidly to try to shake off the flashbacks. Now wasn’t the time. I have,” Pearl said, her tone steady and slow. She licked her lips and wrung her shaking fingers again. Where was the acid Mother had promised? Why were they still talking? She needed Iolite. She was safe in her headspace.

Mother seemed oblivious to her body language. She sat down in a plush chair across from Livewire, who was now muttering to herself and destabilizing so much that Pearl had to avert her gaze to avoid the bright flashing lights. “I was under another’s control once too, Pearl.” Mother sighed.

“Did you break free, then?” Suddenly Pearl felt invested in the conversation.

“Somewhat.” A touch of pride twitched in the upturned corners of her mouth. “They had rather cruel tendencies, love, as our owners tend to have. In a fit of desperation, I broke free of them and fled. Of course, as a pearl, I had nowhere to go. It is against the law to be a pearl without company.”

“Then you found this place?”

“Not at first.” At some point Pearl had sat down as well, listening deeply to Mother’s story. She’d never seen such a candid moment from her. It made Pearl cherish every word. Mother was looking out over the pearls taking residence in her Home as she mumbled under crossed hands. “I ran for a long while, not sure where to go or what my purpose was to be. You must know it’s very confusing not to have a purpose or a task given to you, as a pearl. It’s not in our nature to think for ourselves, which is coincidentally why I’ve taken such a liking to you.” Pearl blushed, unsure of what to say, but Mother didn’t seem to pay any attention.

“I found this place by accident while running from a particularly close call with the Homeworld authorities. I saw the crack in the wall and found that my body was just small enough that I could wiggle myself in, and found this secret run-down parlor.

“When I escaped, the market for oxalic acid was very disorganized, very chaotic. It was a lot more dangerous. I found girls hiding in street corners and abandoned buildings to get their fixes. The authorities were finding them easily and crushing them where they stood. I didn’t like that.” Mother paused, looking up to read Pearl’s face. “The drug may be damaging, but I wanted to use this newfound power of freedom to protect these girls without anywhere else to go. The first pearl that I recruited was Livewire.” Mother looked down and Pearl followed her line of sight. Livewire was breathing heavily and shaking violently but the destabilizing had fortunately stopped.

“So you have known her a long time?”

“I suppose you could say that, yes. It’s been a long time.” Pearl was surprised at how composed Mother was, considering that Livewire was actually a close friend. “She had fallen into a similar situation to mine and had nowhere to turn, so I offered to take her under my wing. We bonded quickly and she became my closest ally in all aspects. If I hadn’t found her, I’m not sure she would still be with us today. Although, her time is running out, certainly…” Mother trailed off, but her expression had no feeling behind it. She was uncomfortably unaffected by Livewire’s condition. Pearl didn’t know what to make of it. She stared into Livewire’s unfocused eyes.

“Well, now that we’ve laid everything out,” Mother said, breaking the silence and commanding Pearl’s attention, “I think it’s time I gave you this.” She reached into a pocket and presented a small glass vial. Inside, oxalic acid swirled. Pearl’s hand twitched, begging her to snatch it. Mother smiled warmly.

“I think we’ve become close as time has passed. I don’t usually trust my girls to hold their own supplies, but you’re special, Pearl. I want you to be a part of my family.” She handed the bottle into Pearl’s eagerly cupped hands. She clasped her fingers around it as though it could disappear if she didn’t hold it tight.

“Thank you,” Pearl said quietly, and she truly was thankful. Now she could visit Iolite whenever she wanted, and not just at the discretion of Mother. It was freeing, but Pearl still felt something heavy tug at her heart. She ignored it.

“You’re most welcome, love.” Mother murmured. She stood and ran a soft hand over Pearl’s hair before she left. Pearl smiled, and looked down at the tiny glass bottle she cradled in her hands. It had an old handwritten label and Pearl read the word ‘oxalic’ for the first time. She ran her thumb over its peeling edges. Then she uncapped it, leaned back, and poisoned herself without a moment of hesitation.

 

* * *

 

Her headspace had kept the crumbled towers, to Pearl’s surprise. She stepped over the large slabs of marble carefully to reach the altar where Iolite sat, as she had when she first discovered this garden. This was the first time she had awakened in a place she’d already been. Iolite’s white gown fluttered in synthetic wind over the edge of her pedestal. Her back was turned, as always. Pearl watched lightning race across the sky as she walked.

Pearl slid her arms around Iolite from behind with calculated gentleness and rested her chin on top of her head. She buried her face in soft curls. “Welcome back, P.” Iolite said, leaning into Pearl’s arm and touching it tenderly. Pearl smiled with her eyes closed and hummed.

The peace was short-lived. Suddenly, a chill came over her heart and she stood rigid. She remembered Akoya’s words so vividly she could almost hear them.

_‘Are you sure that she is acting with a sound mind and not just as you wish she would?’_

Pearl slowly retracted her arms and stepped away. “Hey,” Iolite laughed, turning around and reaching for her, “where do you think you’re going?” Her eyes were so full of… love.

Pearl swallowed thickly, feeling her skin prick with nauseating unease. _‘Is this only what I’ve wanted, all this time? Did she want this?’_ She stepped back more, her mouth agape as she floundered for words. “I-I don’t know,” she stuttered, and she returned to sit opposite Iolite on the altar. The stone was cold underneath her. Iolite looked at her with huge, curious, gorgeous eyes that sent daggers down her spine.

“Iolite,” Pearl nearly whispered, “are you real? Is this truly what you want?”

For one terrifying second, Iolite’s expression went blank and her pupils disappeared. Lightning struck in the distance, and by the time the flash faded her face was back to normal. “Of course this is what I want, Pearl.” She smiled. “I want to be with you, all the time.”

Pearl felt hollow and stupid. Of course she would agree, illusion or not. Still, it seemed worth a try to ask. Her heart was racing, but her voice was slow. “My friend, Akoya… She mentioned that maybe you were a figment of my own imagination.” She studied the folds in Iolite’s dress instead of making eye contact. She only got lost in those eyes.

Iolite burst out laughing- a beautiful guffaw that would likely seem ugly to anybody else. “That’s ridiculous, P! No way,” but Pearl looked up to see unease in her face, too. It solidified her fears. She felt numb.

She raised a solemn hand to Iolite’s cheek and swept away a single flyaway curl. Her hand stayed to cup her soft face and Iolite leaned into her touch. Pearl felt her heart release its demons at once and she began to cry. Her tears fell with no reservations. “Iolite,” she stated, a watery smile lightening her tone even through the sorrow. “Iolite, I think that I might love you.” Iolite didn’t react, and it made sense that she wouldn’t. She was an embodiment of Pearl’s own wishful thinking.

“I have loved you all this time and I’ve never bothered to put it to words.”

In one moment, Pearl had realized two things. She was in love with her long-dead friend, and she had made almost the entire romance up. She had no idea if Iolite had ever cared for her the same way, or would have if she had lived to see outside of the rings. She had fooled herself into thinking her feelings were reciprocated.

“I love you too.” Iolite said, and her falsified confession tore Pearl in two. It was too real how warm her eyes looked, how gently she touched her, how much she cared. It was so convincing, but it was all her creation. _Pearl_ wanted this. Only someone as lonely and low as herself would drop to such a level. Shame and dread danced hand-in-hand in her stomach. She truly disgusted herself.

Pearl stood from the altar and Iolite’s eyes watched her every move. Suddenly, everything felt like a strange performance. “You are not real,” Pearl said, “but I am a selfish woman.” Lightning flashed behind her and lit up Iolite’s confused face. “I don’t deserve one bit of your attention, but I’ll keep dreaming it.”

Iolite stood, her dress flowing behind her and catching on scraggly rock. She was full of concern. _‘Not real,’_ Pearl muttered to herself, but she was quiet. “Pearl, I don’t understand what you’re talking about.” She reached out one pudgy hand, hesitated, and then hugged Pearl around the waist. “I love you.” She smiled, but Pearl realized she was also crying. Her subconscious knew too, then.

“I know,” Pearl whispered. As they embraced, she decided that she’d already fallen too far to act with a moral code now. She decided too keep up the illusion to feed her own horrid fantasies, because what other choice did she truly have? She decided to keep taking the acid, because she no longer felt like it was a choice. She was trapped in her own delusions. She decided she was fine with that.

As the scenery began to melt and Pearl felt the drug begin to wear off, Iolite remained lucid throughout. They held each other silently for a long time. The lightning struck closer, more frequently with every beat, but Pearl paid it no mind. That was, until it began to hurt.

 

* * *

 

Pearl felt the white hot pain crackle in her gem before she could see again. She tried to cry out but couldn’t speak, and tried to touch her forehead but couldn’t move. Her head hurt so badly it felt like it had split apart, but it couldn’t compare to the despair in her chest. When she rematerialized her body, she felt slick with a cold sweat and out of breath. Something was wrong. She shimmered in and out of reality in a frighteningly fast pattern.

When she finally managed to maintain her physical form for longer than one minute, she stood on shaky legs and stumbled toward the exit. The world around her was a blur and muffled. One ear was continuously ringing.

The walk home frightened Pearl. She felt miserable. Her feet felt heavier and she dragged them with each step. Several times she had to stop to allow her body to stabilize. Home seemed so far away, but she eventually staggered through the door and collapsed onto one of the couches in her favorite room.

She breathed heavily. Something was most definitely wrong. In her haze, she remembered how normal she felt in her headspace, and she longed to return. Against her better judgment and as her subconscious self screamed at her to stop, she pulled out the tiny bottle she’d been gifted earlier that evening with violently shaky fingers. She struggled with the cap far longer than she should have, but she succeeded.

Her body was so tired and broken; she just wanted to go back to where she felt whole again. She wanted to go back to Iolite, illusion or not. She wanted that love, real or not. Tears of pain both physical and emotional streamed down the sides of her face as she stared into the ceiling, dropper positioned above the crack that had grown dangerously large.

She threw herself into another high without weighing the consequences. She twitched and groaned and shook but she ended up in her garden again, and that was all she needed.

When her second trip ended she did not fade back into reality as she normally did. She continued to quake and her eyes were rolled back into her head. She was paralyzed and not fully aware of her surroundings. She felt herself fall apart over and over again, with a crack that nearly split her in two.

She was so lost in her pain and sadness that she almost missed the sudden large presence in the room with her. She was so preoccupied with her own suffering that she did not notice pink curls instead of purple. She was so tired that she hardly noticed when pain turned into warmth.

She closed her eyes with her mouth ajar and healed, unaware, until the sun streamed through the curtains. Rose Quartz wept.


	10. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Quartz has healed Pearl again, and she hopes for the last time. After Pearl resolves to leave the oxalic acid behind her and start anew, she revisits the Home to say farewell to her friends. What she finds is far from what she could have imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An earlier chapter has been renamed, as I felt the title "Run" fit this chapter better.

Waking up was less like an abrupt bang and more like wading through thick sludge. It took ages before she remembered that she existed and longer still to remember how to exist, but she managed.

Pearl let her eyes flutter open to light filtering in above her through the skylight. She watched the particles of dust dance in the rays, and she exhaled deeply. A weight that had been on her chest had been removed, and it felt so freeing to breathe again. She closed her eyes and relished in the feeling of breathing without the excessive labor she’d grown accustomed to. Her chest felt light, as did the rest of her body.

It took several long minutes before Pearl realized something was amiss. By no means had her last trip been successful or particularly wonderful, and actually was quite the opposite. She had been basically unable to reach her headspace, instead dulling her senses and lying in numb, paralyzing silence. Iolite was a wisp of a thought on her mind, unlike the life-like image she had desired. Thinking about Iolite was starting to cause pain in her chest, like it had before the acid. _‘The acid…’_

Pearl’s eyes shot wide open and she brought a frantic hand to her forehead. She ran her fingertips carefully over her gem, seeking out the many tiny cracks and fractures she’d memorized on it, but she was bewildered when she found none of them. She rushed to the mirrors in Rose Quartz’s bathing room on feet too swift and light for comfort and stared at herself. A gasp caught itself in her throat.

She traced her gem and her filled-in cheekbones, jawline and other sharp ends that had looked so gaunt just the night before. She looked soft and new again, and her gem did as well. She could find no evidence that it had even been touched before. Every joint felt well stretched, every jagged edge smoothed over, and every bump and bruise dispelled. Pearl was at a loss for words.

_‘Then this means…’_ Pearl brought a hand over her trembling lips as she felt her stomach flip. She tore her gaze away from the mirror took hesitant steps back to the couch she had been gently laid across in a way she could not have done herself. The blanket that had been mysteriously pulled over her was lying in a crumpled heap by the coffee table. Rose Quartz had definitely been here.

With a pain she could hardly process that collapsed in her chest, Pearl realized that the only way she could have been saved with so much success was from the unique healing powers of Rose Quartz. She sat down and hunched over her own lap. Anxiety made every molecule of her body seem to vibrate. Rose had healed her, which meant she had seen the scars on her gem. She had seen the damage up close, in its entirety. _She knew._

In her panic she hadn’t noticed the small glass bottle she’d used the night before standing empty on the coffee table. It was propped against the book that Rose had read aloud to her the night she had healed her feet. A tiny piece of paper tucked out from underneath it. Pearl gripped its corner and carefully tugged it out. In beautiful golden calligraphy, Rose had left her a note.

‘ _I will be ready to listen, when you are ready to talk.’_

Pearl felt hot tears begin to flow freely and she allowed little jarring sobs to shake her body. _‘I don’t deserve this,’_ she thought to herself. _‘She cares for me so much, and I do nothing but take advantage of it.’_ She touched her gem again and shivered at the cold contact. There was no denying that Rose knew everything, but she had still left a note and made it clear she wouldn’t push her for information. Pearl knew deep in her heart she didn’t deserve such patience and kindness, and it stung. She felt her self-hatred wound her like a knife.

With her gem healed and the constant ache that the acid had caused ebbed, Pearl didn’t know how to feel. She picked up the empty bottle, rolling it between her fingers and over her palms. She didn’t feel like she needed the oxalic acid anymore. She wasn’t just clean in theory, she felt clean. Her thumbs spread flat the bottle’s curled label, over and over again as it sprung back out each time.

With this sudden health came a sort of emptiness in her heart that she didn’t understand. After several minutes spent staring into the bottle’s warped hand-blown glass, she decided that it was loneliness. No acid meant that there was no need to return to the Home, to see Mother or the twins anymore. No acid meant no more Iolite, who haunted her waking dreams. It meant she had to start all over. With a strange fearful eagerness, she thought maybe she was okay with that.

Rose Quartz, in both abstract and literal ways, had truly begun to heal her. Thinking of her name brought warmness to her chest like nothing else. Her pink curls, not purple, dancing behind broad shoulders she had to look up to instead of down at. Pearl could picture both of them in her mind perfectly, placing them on their own pedestals in spotlights. They were so different, Iolite and Rose, but they were similar in just enough ways that it surprised her. Iolite was laughter, lilacs, and freedom; Rose Quartz was a cherry wood fire, freshly cut flowers, and the indefinable scent of comfort.

Although Pearl wanted to reach for Iolite first in the stage she had made up in her head, she knew enough to turn her spotlight off. Iolite was unavailable, forever. Iolite had died by her own hand. She had felt her shatter under her spear. Pearl shook as she relived it, but she refused to force it down. The realities were ones she’d been ignoring too long, and she needed to acknowledge them at face value. Iolite was gone and she was going to stay gone, and although the oxalic acid had given her time to work through her own thoughts, the Iolite she’d known in her headspace was not the gem she had fallen for. Truthfully, Pearl wasn’t sure that she’d really fallen in love with the real Iolite and perhaps had just been enamored with the projection she’d subconsciously created. She squeezed the bottle tightly. It was an uncomfortable mystery, for now.

In her mind’s eye then stood the graceful, loving Rose Quartz that had stirred so many emotions in her since their meeting that her head spun just thinking about it. Rose was a living miracle. She was Pearl’s enduring last chance, over and over again pulling her from the darkness with the same patient smile on her plump lips. Unlike Iolite, Pearl could say with certainty that she was smitten with her. She was the last thing that ever made Pearl feel a flicker of self-worth from time to time. She would be her salvation once again. Pearl hoped with all her being that Rose wouldn’t grow tired of that.

Pearl wiped her cheeks dry and breathed deeply before standing on surprisingly stable legs. She froze, and with a small smile, she left the bottle on the table where Rose had left it and instead reached for her neglected ballet slippers. She pulled them on slowly to relish in the feeling. She stood again and rolled en pointe with relative ease. She cried openly out of both sadness and relief. With a gentle sigh, she began to step across the floor and perform her favorite poses, not bothering to warm up. For the moment, she didn’t care for technicalities. She allowed herself to feel free in her movements, and she hummed her own accompaniment for just one hours-long moment.

 

* * *

 

In a sort of sick desire for closure, Pearl decided to visit the Home one last time to say goodbye to her found friends. The Home brought too many difficult memories to justify returning beyond that, even though it made her heart heavy to think of not seeing the twins again. Maybe they could meet outside of the cold and dusty hangout, but she doubted that. Pearls struggled enough to escape there, and there was no other place they could stay without being caught. Pearl understood that without an owner at their side, pearls were not permitted to be in public. It was frustrating, to say the least.

Pearl sighed and crawled through the crack to her getaway for what was hopefully the last time. Just being near the place made her weary. When she entered, she noticed all the pearls crowded around one corner. Curiosity wormed into her heart. She stepped quietly up to the crowd to investigate.

In the center of the tight circle lay Livewire, who was shaking uncontrollably and muttering under her breath. Her eyes were distant, and every so often her form was glitching in a show of staticky light. Her gem was cracked almost straight through the middle vertically. It was about to snap in two. Pearl realized that Livewire was dying.

A new stream of tears revived old tracks down Livewire’s sunken in cheeks while she spoke incoherently, her words jumbled by how violently she shook. She was distant in mind, and soon would be in body. She had no more than a handful of minutes left. Pearl stood in stunned silence, unable to look away.

Suddenly, she gasped as a surprisingly firm grip took hold of her forearm. She looked down and connected the limb to Livewire, who was looking at her with clearer eyes than before. Pearl felt her hair bristle with a rush of fear. She looked truly scary. She looked desperate.

In a flash of pale blue light, Livewire projected an image in front of Pearl’s face. She blinked to focus on it. In the image she could faintly recognize Livewire, but it didn’t look like her as far as her memory served her. She stood alone in a blurry background, a vague expression of fear on her face. Pearl felt a shift in the room as the other pearls around her stepped back and gave them an attempt at privacy. She allowed herself to pay attention, knowing full well that it could be the last thing Livewire ever did. Pearl wanted to respect that above all else.

 

* * *

 

_Pearl model F15C270 stood alone in the rain but she paid it no mind as it soaked her to the bone. She stood alone, frozen in place and at a complete loss for what to do. She stood alone and scared._

_The distant sound of sirens was the only thing that encouraged her to move. She sprinted, eyes darting to every nook and corner she could spot to find somewhere,_ anywhere, _to hide._

_Truth be told, F15C270 had no idea where she could find sanctuary. She had never seen the outdoors. Her owner had kept her chained to her mansion by spoken command, which she could never break as a curse all pearls shared. Now that her owner had been gravely injured and retreated to her gem, she had no figurative chains. To escape the robber that had disabled her owner, she had darted out of the mansion into a world she didn’t understand. It led her here, where she panted in a chilled rainfall desperate for options. The sirens told her that the authorities were looking for her. They knew her owner had a pearl, and did not find evidence of her at the crime scene. She would be caught and she would be forced to continue her choked life as a slave, or killed. She didn’t think she could handle another second of that life, and so she continued to run._

_She dashed from alley to alley and listened as the sirens grew further and further away until she felt safe to stop and take shaky gasps of air._ “Hey,” _a voice rang out, and F15C270 squeaked and fell into a defensive stance. The voice chuckled._ “I won’t hurt you,” _it said softly._

“D-do you promise?” _F15C270 asked. She felt embarrassed for her stuttering. She was cold and scared. Looking around all sides of her position had revealed no one. This mysterious voice was her only hope. The sirens were starting to get closer again._

“Come with me.” _A gem stepped out of the alley to her left, startling her. She took an instinctual step back away from her. The gem looked inviting enough; she had a colorful scarf around her forehead that matched a coat that covered her entire body, and she had a warm smile. She held a hand outstretched._

_After hesitating in numbed silence, F15C270 took the hand and was whisked away with a complete stranger. They ran in silence together, forming a quiet bond that F15C270 could not describe in words. They reached a particularly dark alleyway and the mysterious gem stopped in front of a large crack in a brick wall, weathered from years of disrepair._ “You need to crawl inside here.”

_F15C270 turned back._ “What do you mean? It’s just a crack. Where does it go?”

_The gem swung her forward and straight in front of the crack in the wall with a look of frustrated determination. Her eyes were fiery._ “You don’t have much of a choice now, do you?” _She was right- the sirens were getting close again. F15C270 took a deep breath and carefully positioned herself on the side of the crack. She was surprised to find it much larger than she expected. After several seconds of shimmying around and grappling blindly for the pathway, she stumbled into a room that looked virtually untouched. She gasped. The gem stood up gracefully behind her. The sirens were no longer audible._

“We are safe here. No one suspects our location.” _The gem smiled and unwrapped her headscarf to reveal a spherical pearl on her forehead. F15C270 gasped again in surprise._ “You are safe here with me.”

_F15C270 gaped, taking a sweeping look across the room. It was large and looked like an abandoned parlor virtually untouched by time. She had seen one in a magazine once for home decorating she’d snuck away from her owner. Besides a few patches on the furniture, it looked perfect._ “Where am I?” _She finally asked._

_The pearl put her hands on her hips._ “This is my Home. You may call me Mother.”

* * *

 

_F15C270 spent the next few days acquainting herself with her savior, drinking in every detail she could drag out of her. Mother had apparently escaped her owners and lived as a fugitive ever since finding the Home on her own. The authorities never suspected a thing. She was completely enamored by the audacity of it all._

_Mother had been alone until she found F15C270, as it turned out. From what she could tell, it had been lonely. They laughed and played games and enjoyed each other’s company for many days, and for once F15C270 didn’t feel like a slave. She felt like an equal. She would never go back to that lifestyle. She was okay with being a fugitive with Mother. She liked her._

_It was several months later that Mother had asked if she’d like to try the acid. Mother had said it was an enlightening experience that she recommended to anyone, but it seemed to only work for pearls. F15C270 was fascinated, and she wholeheartedly agreed to experiment alongside Mother. She took her first hit and when she returned to her normal consciousness with a new sense of life in her blood, Mother was laughing._ “I should call you Livewire, for how lively you were in your trance.” _The name stuck._

_It wouldn’t be for several more months that Livewire, formerly known as F15C270, would learn that Mother had always made her go first for a reason._

* * *

 

_Livewire grew dependent on the drug quicker than she expected. Mother gave her more and more until she needed help dropping the substance on her gem through the shakiness of her own limbs. Through her haze she barely noticed a few new faces join her at the Home. Had she not been so spaced out from the drug use she may have been jealous. Mother kept feeding her cravings._

“Let’s stay together forever, Livewire,” _Mother had said, which filled Livewire with joy and adoration. She wanted nothing more than to stay at the Home until the end of her days. She knew that the drug was damaging her with each use, but she didn’t care. Anything to get away from the guilt she’d sustained from the day she ran away. Being a fugitive wasn’t as easy as Mother made it out to be. It weighed on her._

_Each day she consumed more and each day more pearls joined the Home. She watched as they trickled in and smiled while she described to them the pleasure of the drug. Mother looked on with satisfaction at her salesmanship. Livewire felt proud of herself._

* * *

 

“More,” _Livewire mumbled, feeling the anxious withdrawal crawl up her throat._ “More please.” _Mother happily obliged, but Livewire’s highs weren’t so high anymore. Everything was a blur. She was starting to forget how to walk and how to see straight. She was starting to feel her body deteriorate. She couldn’t stop. She was too dependent to stop herself. Mother always looked at her with a pleased expression as she dropped more acid on her gem for her._

“That’s it, love,” _she cooed,_ “you’re doing lovely. The drug is doing lovely things. You’re setting a wonderful example, love. You are my most loyal friend.” _Livewire ate it up with a lazy grin. Days didn’t have meaning anymore. Nothing did. She couldn’t walk. She could barely talk. All at once, the gravity of the situation hit her, but she could do nothing. She was dying. Mother had put her up to this. Mother had condemned her to death. Mother was killing her. It was too late._

* * *

 

Pearl gaped as Livewire’s projection petered out of existence, followed by a momentous glitch that felt like hot air blowing at her face. She was struggling to breathe in a noisy, disturbing fashion, gasps heaving her chest as she gulped for air. This was it.

Pearl didn’t have a lot of time to process what she’d seen, and instead trembled slightly with her feet glued to the ground. Livewire’s eyes were glassing over. She was losing her final battle. With one last effort she grabbed Pearl’s other arm and jerked her forward where Pearl was forced to look straight into her eyes. As unfocused as they were, Pearl still felt them pierce her like arrows. Her shaking stopped for one moment of absolute clarity with a deadly serious expression on her face shiny with sweat. She spoke only one word in a hoarse whisper.

_Run.”_

Livewire’s eyes crossed and her arms went slack as she slumped back into her chair. She sat lifeless for a few prolonged seconds before a horrible crunching sound rang through the Home. A few pearls gasped behind her, but Pearl hardly noticed. She watched as Livewire was enveloped in bright white light that turned into chalky smoke. The cloud raced to the ceiling and plumed over the crowd. On the chair sat any evidence that Livewire had existed at all.

It was a pearl barely recognizable, but a pearl nonetheless, and it was broken cleanly in two corroded pieces. Livewire was gone.


	11. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Livewire has just revealed the dangers that Mother has presented to all of them. Panic is widespread, and everything is falling apart. Will Pearl have the strength to keep everything together? Where is Mother?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been a little while! I'm sorry for my lateness here, I know I've been slowing down a bit with other distractions but there are only approximately two chapters left of this little monster of a story! I hope you enjoy, and stick around for the finale when it comes. :)

The Home had erupted into chaos as Pearl stopped breathing. Screams in various forms of horror had surrounded her and the place where Livewire once sat. Pearl willed her tears away, though it was hard. In the glittering cracks of her deceased friend’s gem she could see purple splinters in hot sand.

Her feet moved of their own accord and before her thoughts caught up she was stepping backwards toward the exit, shoulders bumping into other pearls as they fled. She didn’t take her eyes off the halves of her focus until she was forced to face the crack in the wall. A pearl she didn’t know was pushing her and another nameless one pulled on her arm. They were all dashing for safety, but none of them knew where that was. Home used to be safety. Suddenly, they were all not so sure. 

Even after Pearl cleared the exit and stumbled into the muddy alleyway, she felt numb. She didn’t feel able to run. She didn’t feel able to do anything. Several realizations were dawning on her at once, and it was a sensory overload. 

Of course Mother had been playing a game all along. Of course, her brain repeated. Pearl felt her heart ice over as shame burned into her forehead. She felt stupid to have believed anything else. Mother had never been genuine, she could see through it so clearly now. Something about the oxalic acid had stopped her critical thinking in favor of craving the fix. Mother was the provider of that fix. Of course. 

Pearl could explain away all her failures so easily, like ticks on a checklist, that she wondered if she had intentionally ignored the warning signs. In some instances, she knew she had. When Iolite, who had never been real, of course, had told her to leave her headspace, it was clear her head was trying to show her logic. Her subconscious had decided on a very painful choice in imagery. Perhaps she deserved that. 

She blinked and returned to the living world, where the final pearls were crawling sluggishly from the Home, clearly still riding a high. Other pearls were holding them up by the shoulders. Pearl would have smiled if the situation weren’t so dire; they were supporting each other. 

So far Mother had failed to appear, and Pearl was grateful for that. It gave everyone time to escape and it gave herself time to process all that Livewire had shown in her final moments. It was a lot. She was starting to feel overwhelmed again.

A hand clutched her chest—whether in comfort or pain she wasn’t sure—and she began a slow walk home, her real home. Rose Quartz would always be home. 

Pearl felt like maybe she was ready to talk now.

Rain was just starting to pepper the walkways. Puddles were starting to form in the dimples of the pavement and scattered trash. Pearl hardly noticed. She focused on her feet instead, counting her steps. She didn’t care if anyone saw her like this, not anymore. Livewire had torn her so far from reality that she felt as though she were floating above her body, watching her shadow snake across carved stone. It walked in the same steady beat as her aching feet. 

Her silent trip home was stopped at the sound of shuffling limbs and quiet sniffles. She paused, curious, and followed her ear down a hallway covered by an awning overtaken with beautiful vines. The flowers blooming on them were drooping with raindrops. Pearl could just barely make out two huddled figures, deep within the tunnel. Despite the alarms in her head, she inched toward them. A lantern nearby twisted and flashed above them, and Pearl broke out into a run immediately.

“Tahi? Akoya?” She called out, more surprised than anything. The two figures became rigid, whipping their heads around to stare at Pearl. Their faces were mutilated with terrified expressions. Their perfectly copied hair had been soaked in the rain.

As Pearl got closer, more pieces to the puzzle became clear. Tahi moved to stand and Pearl caught the sight of three large slashes down her cheek dripping near-black blood. She fought the urge to turn around and run. Her friends clearly needed help. Even so her steps shrunk smaller and slower, as though they might break if she came too close. When the light flashed them again, Pearl caught more than she could have bargained for.

Sticky pink liquid was splattered over the floor, latticed walls and even the ceiling. It dripped from flower petals that acted as cups and crusted under Akoya’s fingernails. She was on her knees and staring at her shaking palms and fingers slick with it. It would have made a lovely shade of paint if it wasn’t so clearly blood.

Ice stabbed Pearl’s heart for the second time as her eyes widened and her brain understood. Blood. Tahi clearly had blood to match the color of her gem, judging by the cuts on her face, which meant Akoya’s had to be some variation on cream or a pastel. This blood wasn’t theirs. As if to answer her question, a flicker of light took Pearl’s attention and she followed it to the center of a hot pink puddle, where a gemstone laid scratched and dormant on cracked tile. Her breath left her.

“We…” A timid voice croaked, somehow piercing the roar of the torrential downpour despite its near-whisper. It took Pearl a moment to realize that it had been Akoya who spoke. “I didn’t…” She usually spoke with such purpose and calm, but all of that confidence was gone. She sounded frail and lost, and like she’d been screaming for hours. “I…”

Pearl looked up at Tahi, searching her face for answers, but she found none. She was instead distracted by the small trails of black that were marring her features, coming from scratches that had clearly been gouged by a desperate hand. She didn’t want to believe what she was seeing. 

“Tahi,” Pearl said, surprising herself with her voice’s composure, “what happened?” It came out more like a demand than a question. Tahi flinched violently and Akoya heaved a dry sob below her. They were silent in their standoff while Akoya gasped through frantic breaths, never taking her eyes off her trembling hands. Pearl looked behind Tahi to find another spattered pool, this one of rich purple, and saw it caked over Tahi’s legs and chest. The colors mixed in a pretty swirl where they met in the middle. The second gemstone was no longer in one piece. Again, Pearl fought the urge to disappear.

She didn’t get the chance to question them further. From around the corner, a flurry of bright lights was advancing with the whine of a warning whistle not far behind. The authorities were here. Someone had seen or heard what they’d done. 

There was no time to think before Pearl grabbed both Tahi and Akoya by their collars, yanked them back with her, and cried out for them to run. She could feel them stumbling and struggling behind her, but she had no time to look back. The authorities would be there soon and the hallway was a straight shot both ways. They had to clear the corner in time to remain unseen. 

Drunk with adrenaline and fear, Pearl dashed to the only place she knew to be safe where they would be hidden. Tahi’s legs were buckling out from under her more and more frequently, and the lights were still following them. She thrust them forward, shoving them into the familiar crack in the wall while chanting, “come on, come on, come on!” Pearl plunged through as she heard the sirens turn another corner. The dark cloth that covered the opening from inside muffled them.

She continued her chant, this time quietly in an attempt to be more soothing, as she dragged them to the nearest couch. They sat down without looking, eyes vacant and far away. Akoya’s fingers were still splayed in front of her, twitching from overexertion. Pearl gave them a long moment to compose themselves, but it seemed as though they would never be able to speak on their own. She shut her eyes and breathed deeply to clear her mind of panic. She had half hoped she’d open them again to find it had all been a horrible trip, and she was still lying on Rose Quartz’s plush furniture. She almost wished it had been part of a high. Almost. 

“Okay,” Pearl exhaled, holding her hands up to her mouth in an attempt to convey calmness. “I need to know what happened.” 

As if on cue, Akoya burst into hysterical tears immediately after Pearl shut her mouth. The experience was so unnerving. Her steely, cool complex had completely melted away into a frailty she’d never have imagined on her placid features. She held her head in her hands, not caring that she’d smudged another’s blood all over her skin. Tahi remained deathly still. 

“I don’t know.” Tahi whispered. Her voice was monotone, a far shade from its usual perkiness and lilt. They were expressing their trauma in two dramatically different ways. “We had left the Home not long ago, sobered up. We failed to sneak past our owners without them noticing. They’d never caught us before.” Tahi swallowed. “They were very angry.

“I remember that they’d started hitting Akoya for disobeying the law for being unaccompanied, and were coming for me too, but something in me changed. It was really sudden. Just,” she motioned a clap and wide sweep of her hands outward to imitate an explosion, “and suddenly I was staring at you. I had Charoite’s blood on my hands. I-I think I shattered her.” Tahi shuddered. “I have no memory of the time in between.”

Akoya nodded, lifting her head from her hands to reveal pink handprints over her cheeks. It was like war paint. “I remember Rhodochrosite hitting me, and then nothingness.” 

Pearl took a moment to process things and noted the way sirens seemed to push and pull like waves from outside. They were patrolling. Not knowing what else to do, she placed a hand on both of their laps, attempting to comfort them. They seemed to appreciate it, and Akoya covered Pearl’s hand with her own. Pearl tried to ignore the crusty blood that was flaking off onto her skin. She needed to be strong for them. 

They sat in silence like that for a long while, Pearl coaching them through deep breaths and allowing them to decompress. She tried to think of a way to escape this mess, but nothing came to mind. She was worried for her friends’ safety. She truly didn’t know how they would survive.

Scratching and clawing sounds broke them all out of their stupor, Akoya letting a small gasp breach her lips in fright. The cloth covering for the crack in the wall was dragged open, and in the entryway stood Mother, of all gems, soaked to the bone and breathing heavily. Her eyes looked wild and her chest heaved with angry wheezing. 

“You,” she spat, poison penetrating Pearl’s heart with the finger she pointed, “what did you do?”

Pearl was without an answer. “I’m not sure what you’re asking.” She narrowed her eyes, and Mother widened hers.

“My girls, my lovely girls,” Mother moaned, pain in her voice clear, “the pearls that all once sat here, they all fled. Someone contacted the authorities when they saw them out without owners or higher gems. They swarmed. They’re rounding them up, one by one, taking them in.”

Realization overtook Pearl’s features and she felt her limbs go numb. “What do you mean, ‘in?’” She asked, fearing the answer.

“I mean in, as in for containment, and ultimately shattering! Pearls who disobey the law are not given second chances! The authorities shatter them and their owners get full refunds. They pick out a brand new pearl and go on with their day. They don’t treat us as sentient beings for one moment. The pearls they have captured have already been sentenced to death, assuredly. So I ask you again,” Mother’s eyes held fire as she snarled, “what did you do?”

Pearl felt her knees knocking as they shook, but she stood anyway to face her. She pointed to the far corner of the room. “Why don’t you ask her?”

Mother followed her finger and her eyes zeroed in on the pieces of her broken friend. Her face twisted into a new sort of pain, and Pearl winced despite how much she despised her. That had looked uncomfortably close to a real emotion. Mother stumbled through overturned chairs, muttering a chain of ‘no’s under her breath. When she came to the chair where Livewire’s pieces sat untouched, she gasped. Pearl watched a shaking hand outstretch slowly, hesitant to touch her as though she could be broken any further. She froze, her quivering stilled instantly, and a chilling laughter rumbled quietly through the room.

Mother didn’t turn around. “I suppose you know everything now, then.” Pearl didn’t respond, but she didn’t need to. They both knew it was rhetorical. Silence rung between them, the twins still sitting across from Pearl and deathly still. 

“I did love her, you know.” Mother straightened her posture. “I’m sure that her visions did not show you that, but I did.” A pause. “Livewire was meant to be an example to all my girls. That oxalic acid could do good things. The acid was stronger than I expected, though, and it ruined her. I turned the example around and used it differently, then. ‘Don’t overdo it, or you may turn out like poor Livewire here,’ I said. I could still twist her to my advantage.” 

Pearl cringed at the thought. It didn’t sound as though Mother cared at all, but maybe in her own twisted mind she felt that she did.

“I assume that Livewire did not give you the full story, since she was not aware of all of it.” Mother turned around then, and her face was as composed as it ever had been, no sign of sorrow to be found. “I suppose you have the right to know.

“When I escaped my own home life, I had nowhere to run. It was much like Livewire’s story began, but I had no help. There was no equivalent to me. I was on the run and alone, and very afraid. It was a long time of dodging authorities before I discovered the Home.” She gestured to the room around them. Pearl didn’t dare speak and the twins must have had a similar idea, because they were all taking the quietest breaths they could manage as they listened. 

“Above all else, though, I was angry. I was angry at the way pearls were treated, are treated. We have as many feelings as any other gem, and yet we are treated with little to no respect. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted an uprising.

“The oxalic acid I discovered by accident. I caught two pearls high on it in an alleyway. When they realized I’d seen, they were horrified. It was clear they were hiding a dangerous secret. Not long after that I discovered a disjointed, disorganized family of pearls, all using this drug to escape. It made my heart ache, but it also inspired me.”

Mother stood up and paced, an eye on Livewire at all times. She stayed a fair distance away from Pearl and the twins. “If pearls were going to use, they deserved a safe place to do so. I set up the Home and invited any pearl I found hidden in the streets to be safe here. It was a place for them to get high without fear of getting caught. I was doing them a favor, protecting them. It was then that I realized my need for an uprising and my desire to protect my fellow girls could go hand in hand.”

Mother paused, back turned to them, always looking toward Livewire. Pearl wondered if this was the first time one of her friends had died. Mother fretted with her hands behind her back for them to see, as though she was considering if she should go on. Pearl hoped she would. As much as it was horrific that she would willingly allow pearls to come to the Home and damage themselves, she wanted to understand her reasoning. 

After several moments of silence Mother turned on her heel to face them again, but she locked her eyes on Pearl’s alone. “In my time here I discovered an extraordinary side-effect of the acid. While pearls are high, they are not in their right mind. They are neither here, nor there. They are stuck in between destabilizing and not. You are all aware of this.” Her gaze flicked to the twins before returning to Pearl. 

“Your owners can command you to do things without your control. I am assuming you all know this as well.” Pearl made fists as she struggled to fight down a flashback to the rings. She remembered.

“While you are high, the mechanics of your brain and hard-wired controls go haywire. You get separated from your true self. It means that the commands you have been given have less meaning, and it leaves you vulnerable.” Mother paused, a slight frown on her lips as she looked toward the twins to address them. They both flinched under her gaze. “You attacked your owners today.”

The twins’ eyes widened as Mother’s words registered. Tahi tried and failed to speak and Akoya paled. “How did you-“

“Akoya, darling, Tahi,” Mother said, her voice strangely soft, “Do you remember anything that you did in that time? Do you remember attacking them? I’m willing to bet you do not.” Akoya stared at her, shocked. She shook her head slightly, unwilling to do any more. 

“That’s because I commanded you to do it.” Mother said. They all stopped breathing abruptly. “While you are under the control of the oxalic, you can be controlled by anything, anyone. You have no recollection of it, but I commanded you to attack them. This was the original plan, for all my girls. We were going to attack our owners together and begin our revolution.” Mother sighed listlessly, “But that’s all out the window now, because of you.” She stared at Pearl and she felt her heart stop. “My girls are being captured for slaughter, because you turned them the other direction. My revolution has failed.”

Pearl was horrified. Had she been brainwashed too? She could never know. Was Rose Quartz in danger now, too? Had all of them, at some point, been manipulated? It all felt horribly, horribly wrong. Mother had controlled them from the start. All she could manage was a tiny whisper. “You’re wrong.”

“How so, love?”

Pearl’s skin crawled at the pet name, but she surged onward. “I didn’t do a thing. Livewire was the one to expose you. She saved us all from you. She showed us the truth.”

Mother laughed, a sharp cackling sound. “Livewire didn’t save any of you. She condemned you. The authorities are locking us up and they will surely kill us all. Tell me Pearl, which is better.” She leaned forward, making sure that Pearl saw the rage festering in her eyes in sharp contrast to her manic grin. “A little nudge in the right direction from me, or a full-scale massacre from them?” Pearl felt her blood run cold. Though she wanted to deny it, she feared Mother was not bluffing. They really were going to kill them. 

“Mother,” Tahi uttered, and they all looked to her in mild surprise. She’d been mute the majority of their conversation. “I don’t think you understand.” She looked at Mother with defiance. “At least now we will die with dignity, not under the control of a cowardly monster like you.”

“Oh, big words Tahi.” Mother said, rolling her eyes. “I’d expect that from your dearest twin, not you. Perhaps your owners were more successful in making you clones than I had thought.” 

Mother knew she had struck a nerve and Tahi leapt from her seat to retaliate, but before Akoya could pull her back down with a frantic tug, sirens wailed closer than ever before, followed by loud clanging and battering on the wall. Before they could react beyond a jump, the cloth was torn down, and soldiers poured into the room with angry shouts and entirely too much noise. 

They were yelling commands but Pearl couldn’t hear them through the dread that clogged every one of her senses. They’d been caught. The authorities had found them. They were joining the others. Mother was right. It was over. Her mind shut down and her limbs shook. 

Vaguely, she heard a gravelly voice yell at her to raise her hands, but her brain was too clouded with pure fear to process it. She was going to die, going to die, going to—

Pearl felt an explosion slam through her chest and shove her backward. She looked down long enough to see rivers of powder blue blood pour from her chest, and her mind went blank, body went slack. She was falling backward in what felt like slow motion, everything about her shutting down. Before she hit the ground, she felt herself disintegrate, and she disappeared into a sea of blue smoke and pure black.


End file.
